She squints. “You’re lying to me. I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me, Theo.”
“I never asked for your help,” I snap. “Look, I’ll stay for dinner, but then I’m going straight back to Robbie’s.”
“Fine.” She releases my arm and opens the door for me.
If I leave now then everyone will think I have a problem. They’ll poke and prod until the wound that barely scabbed over is ripped open again, and I can’t do it. I need it all to stay in my head because if I say any of it out loud then it’s suddenly real. I’ll be that eighteen-year-old boy again, scared shitless because he didn’t listen when his boyfriend told him he wanted to end things.
It’s just one meal; I can do this. I don’t even have to speak to him.
By the time I get back to the dining room, everyone is already seated. I settle next to Robbie, hoping he’ll be a buffer if anyone tries to talk to me.
Different conversations ping around the table and I try to keep my eyes on my empty plate, all too aware that Bailey is sitting opposite me. I can hear him talking, and it’s been so long since I saw him that his voice feels wrong. It’s softer than I remember, and my eyes betray me when he chuckles, flicking up to peek at him. He has his head bent towards Richard’s little brother, Noah, grinning like an idiot. Long blonde waves brush his freckle-scattered cheeks.
“Well look who decided to show his face.”
My head snaps to Gran as she comes in with bowls of steaming roast potatoes. She places them down either end ofthe table without breaking eye contact, and I shrink under her withering gaze.
“How nice of you to grace us with your presence, Theo,” she says coolly.
My eyes dart back to Bailey and I notice his chin is sporting some yellow bruising.
Facing Gran again, I force a smile. “Couldn’t miss out on your roast again, Gran.”
“Don’t disappear after dinner. You and I are going to have a chat.”
Robbie elbows me in the ribs after she’s gone, grinning.
“What?”
“You’re in trouble,” he sings.
“Piss off, Rob.” So much for him being a buffer.
Granda comes in next with roast beef on a serving plate. When he locks eyes with me, he shakes his head. I underestimated just how much trouble I would be in by showing my face here. I should have avoided everyone for a couple more weeks until the wedding.
I look at Bailey again, like I can’t help myself, to find him already staring at me. His gaze slams into mine and I’m anchored, unable to pull away. A little frown creases his forehead, and I’m taken back to that night again. His tear-stained face close to mine as he tells me everything is my fault. I suddenly get lost in the ocean of his blue eyes, and I’m dragged deeper and deeper until I’m drowning.
I can’t breathe.
“You okay?” Robbie asks, looking at Bailey, then back to me, concern written all over his face.
I nod a few times, looking away from his questioning stare, wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans while trying desperately to suck in air without drawing any more attention.
“Dig in, kids,” Granda says as he and Gran take their seats at either end of the table.
I’m not hungry but I routinely help myself to the food. Skipping the gravy, I squirt ketchup on the side of my plate. Robbie makes a gagging noise, but I ignore him, not in the mood for his shit.
“So, Noah, what do you do for work, dear?” Gran asks.
Noah peeks at Gran through his black curls, light grey eyes wide as though he’s surprised the attention is suddenly on him. “I, um, work for Jake’s landscaping company, in the back office.” He points to his uncle at the other end of the table, who’s deep in conversation with Granda. “Basically admin.”
Bailey laughs softly and I fight the urge to look at him. “He goes to clients’ houses to discuss what they’d like done, and takes measurements and photos. Then comesbackto the office and books them in,” Bailey tells Gran. “You can tell he loves it.”
Noah rolls his eyes and goes back to his food.
“And you, Bailey, what do you do?” she asks, smiling kindly at him.
“I’m the grounds manager for Jake …”
