Oh my God, I want to die.
He caught me staring? What is wrong with me?
“Don’t flatter yourself. I was stuck in a stare and your abs just happened to be there,” I retort, playfully sticking out my tongue.
It’s the best excuse I can come up with. I hope he buys it, but since my cheeks are on fire, I’m guessing he won’t. The last time they felt this hot was when I accidentally walked in on two girls hooking up in our locker room last year and ran into the door because I tried to escape with my eyes shut while profusely shouting “sorry!”.
At least his smile is back and a calmness settles between us instead of the previous tension there seconds before.
The v-cut into his leather jeans emerges in my head again. If only I had an internal AC system to cool my cheeks and hide my true reactions. Being so easy to read is super inconvenient.
My skin tightens and that familiar tingling sensation runs rampant in my shorts like the first night I saw that biker on Xypher. Another urge hits me, this time a magnetic pull drawing me toward him, his mouth. I zone out on his lips, forgetting he can see everything I’m looking at. They’re plump for a boy and moist from the Chapstick he must’ve put on before he came over here.
Moist, pink and so, so inviting.
Without thinking, I step forward, my eyes still locked in, my teeth instinctively biting my bottom lip. Ben chuckles softly and steps toward me. He slowly licks his lips, knocking me out of the trance I’m in.
I stutter step back. What the heck is wrong with me?
I want to leave and sit in a bubble where no one can see me until I figure out what all this is.
Do I truly want to be with Ben or am I just attracted to him?Or, am I finally hitting that lustful stage of being a teenager right before I'm shipped off to college where it’s easy to have orgies?
Trying to make sense of everything, I shake my head and stroke my fingers through my hair, pulling it away from my face. I’m aware of his stare, but I avoid his gaze.
The heat in my cheeks and below are unbearable. I need to get him out of my sight and cool down before he figures out my body’s current reaction to him.
“Char?”
“I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” I spurt out way too loudly as I spin around and book it to my car.
“Char!”
His shout rings in my ears but I pretend I can’t hear him. If I stay near him, I’m going to ruin our friendship. Ihaveto clear my head. My bodyhasto calm down.
The rest of my name yelled from across the parking lot cuts off mid-way when I slam my car door shut. The rush of the AC blasting drowns out any other noises as I bolt out of the lot before he can get to my car.
All I want to do is kiss him, feel him against me in some way, skin to skin…and the thoughts of him doing those things to me aches my body, igniting it all on fire.
“Ahhhh!” I scream into the empty car, trying to alleviate everything I’m feeling, gripping my steering wheel so tightly I can’t feel my fingers anymore. It isn’t working. Nothing is working. Not even the AC is able to cool me down and pull me out of this internal inferno.
The drive home goes fast, either from speeding or from zoning out, my mind stuck in the gutter.
Images flash on an endless loop, whiplashing my emotions. Images of his abs, mixed with a longing for him… images of him rejecting me, and losing our friendship forever…
Now home, I slam my car door shut and escape to my room, throwing my bookbag on the floor. Thank God, my phone shows no messages from Ben questioning my reaction. With relief from avoiding another awkward conversation, I throw it down on the bed so it’s out of my sight. I sit at my computer with my head in my hands and let my hair fall over my face, cascading down to cover the keyboard of my laptop.
In the quick moment of silence between thoughts, an idea occurs to me. I check the clock to see how much time I’ll have alone. Four o’clock. Okay, my parents are at their publisher meeting and won’t be home until at least six. I have plenty of time.
Without wasting another moment, I turn the lights off, close the blinds, put my hair up and open my laptop. Other girls talk about doing this, but I’ve never had the urge to try it myself until now. Nervous energy rushesthrough me even though it’s ridiculous. It’s my body after all. I shouldn’t feel uncomfortable… exploring it.
With my browser already open to Xypher’s website, I go straight to BikerBB64’s page and scroll through a few of his videos until I find the one that makes me feel how I did with Ben today.
Dancing seductively in the pouring rain in a white t-shirt, grey sweatpants and a waist pack?
Yes, please.
His drenched shirt rests in the grooves of his muscles, clearly outlining his abs and v-cut while his biceps push against the sleeves causing them to tighten every time he moves. The video is only twenty seconds long, but it replays automatically. This is going to be the one I use.
