“So…you’ve gotten off before?”
“Mhmm.”
“By who?”
“What?” I say, thrown off by the question, my cloudy judgement preventing me from thinking straight.
“Who. Got. You. Off?” He says pointedly, accentuating every word.
My gaze drops to his chest. I didn’t want to admit it out loud, especially to him. I didn’t want to embarrass myself. Plus, what if it makes him think less of me?
Thankfully, he doesn’t press me harder for an answer. He pushes off the door and sits back on the bed, leaning forward on both of his elbows, looking down at his hands clasped together.
My body feels weak against the door, like all my strength was being used to hold myself back and when he withdrew, he took all my energy with him. I want him to push further. I want him to want me, but I’m not going to be the one to initiate. I’m not going to be the one to cross that line without knowing he wants me too.
This.Thisis exactly what I’ve been feeling toward him.
I’ve been hiding, lying to myself about what I’ve wanted. All those glances at him, the temperature rising when I look at him, the enjoyment of the flirting, the hurt of what he’s done with Tree…
“What are you doing tomorrow night?” he asks casually, still avoiding my gaze.
“Going to Jared’s graduation party. Why?”
His head shoots up, a flash of anger showing before turning more serious. “Why do you hang out with that guy?”
“We don’t hang out. We just interact at school,” I retort with attitude to match the one he’s giving me.
He snorts sarcastically. “That’s what you call friendship? His arm hanging over you constantly, you dressing up for him, then you two strolling around like lovebirds…If I didn’t know you so well, I’d think you were dating. Matter of fact, the whole school thinks you guys are dating.”
So, we’re doing this again. I’m not going to give him easy answers if he’s going to be like this. Why can’t he talk to me about other guys like a normal human?
“Well, we’re not dating—”
“But he wants to,” he interjects.
Well, I can’t deny that, especially after what Jared said to me when he left me at my car this afternoon. Okay, what now? I’m not going to lie to him about it. Looks like sassy admittance is my only option.
“Yeah, and?”
“Oh, so you know. So, what then, are you wanting to date him? Is tomorrow going to be your coming out party?” he spits viciously, his hands curled in fists, veins popping out on his hands and forearms from clenching them so tightly.
“What the hell is your problem?” I spit back.
“Wow, using swear words. I must have really hit a nerve. Guess I was right. I hope you two have funtomorrow. If you two do start dating, donotbring him to my party.” He pauses, knuckles relaxing and opening his fist in surrender. “You’re still coming right?” he asks, softly.
“Well yes, I plan to, but do you even want me to come? And of course, I won’t bring Jared. I know how you feel about him.” I gather my courage and walk toward him, leaving the safety of the door. “Ben, I have no idea what’s going on with you anymore. One minute you seem to be flirting with me, the next you’re berating me over Jared and making me feel shameful for getting the attention of other guys. Whatisthis? What exactly is going on in that head of yours?” I demand, throwing my hands up, not caring what’s being exposed.
Our voices are getting louder, but I don’t care. I’m not going to let him bully me.
His eyes focus on his hands again. “Answer me this,” he finally says. “Do you want to date Jared?”
The question churns in my mind as I decide how much to tell him. “I don’t think so. Shirley likes him and wants me to set them up, but if he doesn’t want her then maybe? I don’t really know. It’s all so new. You know I’ve never dated anyone before. I don’t know how to do any of this.”
“So you’re okay with being someone's second choice?” he sneers.
Rage flares at the flagrant insult. With arms straight at my sides, knuckles white, I’m now fighting a different urge…the urge to punch him in his smug fucking face. “You’resuchan asshole.”
“Well, that’s a sad answer. And for someone who cares about you to be called the asshole when he’s always been there for you and wants you to have standards.”
