I completely forgot about the party after the fight with my mom. I pull my phone back from my ear and check the time. It’s already four-thirty and it takes me at least twenty minutes to get there.
“Hey Shirl! No, I’m gonna drive separately. I’m running a little late. I’ll text you when I leave, okay?”
“Ok, but don’t betoolate, because I need you to be my wing woman! That way Jared and I have the rest of his party to hopefully hook up.”
“Sounds good,” I chuckle awkwardly and end the call.
“You’re still going to Jared’s?” he questions, disappointment painting his tone.
“I have to. I already promised him and Shirley I would go.” I wish I didn’t have to lingers on the tip of my tongue but remains unspoken.
Any meek feelings that existed under the surface for Jared are gone. Even the biker boy seems like a distant memory of obsession right now.
“Stay with me,” he pleads softly, grabbing my waist a little more firmly.
“I can’t,” I whimper, swallowing the lump in my throat. But God, do I wish I could stay with him. Every fiber of my being is telling me to stay and say the hell withJared’s party, but I promised myself I’d make friends and if I just slip back into my old habits I’ll be screwed once Ben leaves for college.
“If I didn’t promise them I’d go, I’d stay with you, I swear. But I can’t ditch Shirley. She’s counting on me tonight.” Anxiety has my tongue flicking over my bottom lip and chewing on it.
“Let me give you a ride there.” His hips press themselves into mine making my elbows the only thing creating any space between us.
My mouth gapes open.
“Ben, you haveneverasked me to ride your motorcycle. I‘ve been begging you foryearsand you’ve never let me. Now, of all times, you’re asking me to ride with you?”
I’m in complete shock. What’s he trying to play at with this offer? I mean, I’m stoked, but like, what are his intentions behind this?
He doesn’t respond, instead shrugging his shoulders. “Do you want to or not?”
Oh good, the bite in his tone is back. I was worried there for a second that he was being too nice.
My jaw clenches and a grimace appears in annoyance. I want to ride with him more than anything, but I also don’t want to be the one who brings an unwanted guest to a party. Ben and Jared have neverinteracted well, and my gut’s telling me if I brought Ben, it’d ruin the party or cause unneeded drama, which Ido notneed any more of in my life right now.
“I’m sorry. I promise I will next time, but I’m just gonna drive to Jared’s in my car. Can we ride tomorrow instead, before or after your-?”
“Are you afraid of Jared seeing us together?” he interjects.
My stomach sinks.Here we go.
I can’t believe he’s acting this way when he knows what I’ve been dealing with today. Tears well up in my eyes again.
I hate this part of me. In the rare times I’ve cried in my life, the tears always come back super easily for the next day or so. It’s like once the valve’s open it takes a while for it to shut again, which makes me look like a crybaby and there’s nothing I can do about it.
“Ben, please,” I plead, fresh tears streaming down my face.
“I’m sorry, Char.” His voice softens. “I’m not sure when we can ride together, but I’ll let you know. Call me if you need me tonight though, okay? No matter how late.”
I nod, giving him another tight hug. I inhale deeply and bury my face into his chest, gently scratching my cheek on his leather jacket. The roughness on the back of his jacket lumps up under my fingertips, making it hard tograb him, but I push against their resistance to keep him close.
“Oh, crap.” I can’t believe I forgot I was in a rush. “I gotta go!”
I let go but am held back as he hangs on, obviously letting me go begrudgingly. His grip barely loosens, his touch lingering on my arm.
Racing toward the house to get ready, an empty crack makes itself known from already missing his touch. I turn at the door to wave at him, but the motorcycle already started up, only giving me a glimpse of his back as he speeds off. Sadness and loneliness threaten to creep back in. Idowish he could go with me tonight.
I shut the door along with my thoughts. No. Tonight’s about fun. No self-pity, no complicated thoughts. I need to enjoy tonight with my peers because this may be the last time I see any of them. I’m not going to overthink about Ben, Jared, my biker guy or anything.
Rummaging through my closet to find something to wear, I choose to forgo the dress. It feels wrong to wear a dress to his party after my intimate moment with Ben and what it might imply to Jared if I do wear one. I don’t want to draw any attention from Jaredthatway anymore.
