“What do you mean?” I utter hesitantly. I know what he means. Another truth hiding in my brain surfaces, showing me how naïve I’ve been once again.
It’s official. He does like me. He does want to be with me.
But that small part of me that did want to be with him, however briefly, is completely gone.
My gut instincts pull at me, telling me it’s time to leave and now, but I’m unsure how to make my exit without making him feel bad. An eeriness settles over me as he moves closer, his steps slow but intentional. My feet take another step back on their own.
“Why didn’t you wear a dress for me today like you have been all week?”
“I-I didn’t wear the dresses at school for your attention. I randomly decided to wear them for myself,” I stammer back, almost tripping backwards as I pick up speed to get away.
He’s less than an arm’s length away from me now. His scent wafts toward me in the breeze, the smokiness filling my nostrils.
“I think you did; you just didn’t know it. You willingly rested your head on my shoulder in between classes and embraced me when my arm was around you. I told you we were going to be more than friends, Charlie. What didn’t you get about that?”
He thrusts his arm out and grabs me by the left arm hard and pulls me roughly to him. Swinging his other arm around my waist, he positions my right arm, so it’s pinned between us and looks down at me. I know I need to run, but I’m frozen. It doesn’t matter anyways, he’s holding me so tightly, it’s a struggle to move. What the hell is he doing?
“Jared, please don’t grab me like that. It hurts. Let me go.” I wiggle to see if he’ll release me, but he doesn’t budge.
His eyes no longer look kind but instead are filled with a scary almost-black intensity, the only glow in them the reflection from the now simmering fire. “You know youwant this, Charlie. We’d be great together. I guarantee it. Plus, no girl has evernotwanted to be with me, so just go with it, okay?”
He lowers his head, his lips puckered and in position to kiss me. My heart pounds in my chest, but the adrenaline provides no help. I squeeze my other arm up in between us and try to push away from him with both palms on his chest, but he doesn’t budge. He’s so much stronger than I realized. Not good. Not good at all. With nowhere to go, I scrunch my face and turn to the left just before he reaches my lips, positioning him to land on my cheek instead.
He moves his lips to my neck and kisses slowly up and down. His lips are so cold. Goosebumps trickle along my whole body, like little ants are crawling all over. I know they’re not only from the cold of his lips, but the disgust with him and myself. I hate it. I hate this.
I continue pathetically struggling to wiggle out of his grip, but it’s no use. My mind races along with my heart, my breathing stuttered and short.
I’m too weak.
Why am I so weak?
How did I let myself get into this situation?
How was I this naive?
I never thought Jared would do anything like this.
He kisses my neck harder, trying to keep me still so he can continue. In horror, I feel him exploring, moving down and grabbing my ass, pulling me roughly into his hardness.
The fight in me freezes at the intimate violation, my body going still. No one’s ever touched me that way. I don’t want my first intimate touches to be with Jared. Not like this.
Not like this.
Not like this.
The pleas fill my head, but my mouth stays shut, silent, like my body wants to betray me.
No.
Stop.
No, not like this.
He holds both my wrists in one hand as he brings his other to the front of my jeans and fumbles with the button. My voice balls up in my throat, straining as I push with everything to get a word out. But all I manage is a weak croak.
“Jared, no. Stop. Jared, I don’t want this. You need to listen to me. P-please st-sto-stop,” I plead, finally able to speak.
“Shut up, yes, you do,” he growls.
