I’m unable to describe the feelings I want to express to him about what he’s done for me tonight. I don’t know how I’ll ever make it up to him.
I park in the driveway and turn the car off. A second later, he pulls his bike up next to me, shuts it off, and sets his helmet on it. His face is unreadable, calm, steady.
I’m unable to look at myself in the rearview mirror. I must look like a pathetic mess, but I can’t find the energy to care right now.
He says nothing but instead opens my car door and pulls me out into his arms. As he walks me to the door, I curl up into him, reveling in the safety of his embrace. I burrow into his chest and soft cloth hits my skin, instead of the expected scratchy leather.
That’s right.
He isn’t wearing his motorcycle jacket either. He must’ve left in a hurry because he never rides without all his gear on.
Whatever, I don’t care. All I care about is that I’m out of that situation. It could’ve been so much worse. I froze in a moment when I needed to be strong the most. I can’t believe I stopped fighting so quickly.
Pathetic.
He holds me tightly as I sob into his chest. He sets his head on mine and whispers over and over, “I know. It’s okay. Let it out. You’re safe. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”
My legs weaken, my crying now inconsolable. Whatever strength I have left is gone, causing me to slide down his sweatshirt as I start to collapse.
Noticing right away, he picks up my legs and carries me the rest of the way up to the house. He opens the door with his key and quietly shuts it before carrying me up the stairs.
I stay buried in his shoulder, wishing I could melt into him. I don’t want to think. Don’t want to see those images of what could have happened. Don’t want to imagine how it could’ve ruined my future.
He quietly opens my bedroom door and sets me on the bed before going back and shutting it.
I lean over and rest my arms on my legs, trying to shrink myself up as much as possible. The bed dips underneath his weight as he places a gentle but firm hand on my back.
“Are you okay, Charlotte?”
“Don’t use my full name to coddle me like my mother would,” I snap in a congested tone from all the crying.
Guilt twists my stomach even more for snapping at him right now, but I don’t know what to do with my emotions. The fear, guilt, rage and disgust are overwhelming and hearing my name out of pity from his mouth is unbearable.
“Sorry, Char.”
“I feel so gross, Ben. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to allow myself into a situation like that. I barely even put up a fight. It was pa-pa-thetic.” I choke out the last word as more tears soak the skin on my arms before falling to the ground.
He moves off the bed and kneels in front of me, his hands gently resting on my shins. His hair slightly covers his left eye that peers deep inside me, begging me to hear the words he says next. I look away, ashamed.
His knuckle grazes my chin and gently lifts it, forcing me to meet his gaze again.
“Now, I want you to hear me, Char. You werenotstupid to be caught in that situation. Jared is a fucking piece of shit to put you in a situation like that in the first place. You did absolutely nothing wrong. And you didn’t stop fighting; your body was frozen. It’s a trauma response. How could you expect yourself to handle a situation like that when you’ve never really been around guys.” He pauses, his brows creasing. “If he had gotten any further, I would have fucking killed him. I swear it.”
He drops his gaze and his knuckle and places his hands on his thighs, still kneeling.
“I heard rumors that he’s done shit like this to girls at other schools, but I never saw or heard concrete proof, so I didn’t think much of it. Then when I saw you guys getting closer and seemingly cozy, I started to be more cautious…to pay attention more. I wanted to keep a close eye on you guys to make sure he was behaving. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to you.”
He leans back and runs his fingers through his hair, a small amount of Jared’s blood glimmering off the silver ring on his right hand in the moonlight coming in through my window. Taking a deep inhale, he studies me as if waiting for me to say something.
“How’d you know where Jared lived and why were you there and whose bike is that?” I ask more calmly. The tears slow down as I focus on him and wait for his answers. Howdidhe know where I was? I guarantee he hasn’t been to Jared’s before. Was he following me?
“I kept checking in with you while you were there, because I had a bad feeling something was going to happen. My gut had this horrible tug in it the later the night got. So, when I texted you the last time and you didn’t respond, I got worried. It was so late…By how you were texting me I was hoping you might give me a call or at the least text me when you got home.”
We lock eyes for a fleeting moment before he shies away his gaze to the floor. I know he’s referring to my text about wishing he was there. He’s right. I would’ve called him on my way home.
“His family’s rich, but they’re still listed so I googled his address. I was originally planning on just driving by and seeing if your car was there and to check if the party was still going, but once I got there, I saw your car andno one else’s, leading me to believe you guys were alone. As I drove further past, a light in the backyard caught my attention. I flipped my visor up and saw two shadows in front of a fire.” He fidgets his hands together and clenches his jaw, scowling at the memory. “I….I wanted to get a closer look. When I started slowly driving toward the backyard and your shapes became clearer, I noticed you were in a defensive position and seemed to be writhing away from him. I knew immediately what was going on right then.”
His breathing increases, lips tightening into a thin line. “It took everything in me not to ram him with my bike straight into the fucking fire, but I didn’t want to take the chance of hitting you. So instead, I angled myself in a way where I could punch him and throw him to the ground in one shot so I could get you away from him.” His knuckles are white, gripping each other as he grits his teeth.
