Help me get dressed? He’d be ok seeing me naked?
“Oh, really?” I chuckle. “I was totally zoned out, sorry. I’ll hurry up.”
“Oh, yeah? Zoned out about what?” he inquires curiously, tilting his head and leaning on the now open doorway with his arms crossed.
“Uhhh...” I utter, trying to think of an excuse other than what was truly going through my mind.
“So, me, huh?” he says slyly, the corners of his mouth tilting up.
“Pfft, no,” I forcefully exhale at theridiculousassumption.
“Then why are your cheeks turning so red, huh?” He winks.
Crap, they’re on fire. Leave it to my cheeks to give me away.
“The only thing I was thinking about was what will happen when we go away to college. So yes, I admit, I thought about you in relation to that,” I stumble out, praying he can’t see through the lie.
His confident façade drops immediately as his brows furrow and he begins to chew on the inside of his bottom lip. Is he sad we’re going to different colleges too?
“What, no sass, Mr. Ben?” I say, trying to pick the banter back up along with the mood in the room.
He awkwardly chuckles and pulls out his phone instead of answering me.
My stomach drops.
Is it her?
He stands in the doorway looking conflicted and continues typing on his phone like I’m not even in the room.
Are they back together?
A familiar tug deep in my gut resurfaces bringing me back to how it felt junior year when him and Tree started dating.
The soccer girls, who’d just finished training on the track, were all staring and giggling at Ben who was just leaning on his motorcycle with his leather pants andjacket on, minding his own business. Long story short, the girls made a bet and Tree won. So, without saying anything, she grabbed him by the jacket and kissed him.
It was the first time I’d witnessed him being physical with someone. The stabbing pain in my chest at the visual was not something I enjoyed, but it never crossed my mind that things would change between us because with all his other flings, it didn’t.
But that’s probably because he didn’t lose his virginity with anyone else. It was after homecoming when he lost it to her. I found out the news that Monday in the locker room after overhearing some of the other girls talking about it. The information hit me like a train, pulling all the air from lungs from the weight of it. We were about to head out for cross-country practice but instead, I ripped my locker door open to hide because it felt like I was having a heart attack. Tears spilled out of my eyes as I fought for breath bent over. White-knuckled and gripping my shirt to loosen the crushing weight on my chest that wasn’t really there, I panicked and almost reached the point of hyperventilation. By far, those were the five scariest minutes of my life.
After it passed, I got the heck out of doge and raced home. I didn’t want anyone asking me questions about why I was upset because I literally didn’t know what totell them. If I didn’t know what was going on, how could I explain it to them?
Little did I know while I was sobbing to my mother that night over what happened, Ben had already blocked my phone number.
Fear of losing him again from the memories waved over me until enough courage surfaces to ask the burning question on my tongue.
“Is that Tree?”
Ben, too engrossed in his phone, didn’t respond.
When I got to school the next day, I texted him in the morning before class, but it wouldn’t go through. Then in class, he completely ignored me and wouldn’t sit near me or acknowledge my existence.
Clueless as to what was going on, I was heartbroken. I didn’t know how to survive without Ben, nor did I want to and there was nothing I could do to get him to speak to me.
It wasn’t until the weekend when his mom talked to mine that I discovered what was going on. Tree made him block all the girls he talked to and demanded he no longer have any other friends of the opposite sex. The fact that he went along with her demands shocked andangered me. It was all out of my control, leaving me feeling completely helpless about the situation and I hated it.
But the rule ended sooner than expected when she dumped him a month later because he talked back to her. He was heartbroken and broke his silence, reaching out to me for support. I picked up the phone to him immediately apologizing for blocking me and sniffling out that they broke up. I knew I shouldn’t have forgiven him so quickly, but I missed him so much I didn’t care.
After that night, we were back to our old selves for a few weeks…until they got back together. I had texted him before class, per our usual routine, and the message never went through, immediately confirming my underlying fears that I was blocked again.
