Waitwaitwaitwaitwait.
He pulls away from my neck as I stiffen, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. “What’s wrong?” He brushes his nose against mine.
I push off him and back away, feeling furious, violated and embarrassed.
My head’s spinning from trying to process how to handle the fact he watched me masturbate and then texted me pretending to be someone I didn’t know. I need space to breathe for a minute.
“How.” I whisper, short of breath from shock and anger. “How did you watch me masturbate to you? And why did you text me from an unknown number pretending to be someone else. And why did you not tell me it was you this whole time and lead me on! What game were you playing?” My shouts get louder with every statement of truth, my fists trembling at my sides.
He drops his hands to his sides, defeated and desperate. “I’m sorry, Char. I-I… Fuck. I didn’t think you’d react like this.”
“How the hell am I supposed to react, Ben?” I throw my hands up in exasperation.
“I don’t know, honestly. I thought that if I told you after we were together, you’d be into it. Of course, you felt violated and confused instead. I’m such an asshole for thinking otherwise. I’m so sorry.” He rubs his hands through his hair and down the back of his neck. “Listen, part of my coding internship focuses on hacking techniques. Obviously, we weren’t supposed to be doinganything nefarious with those skills, but I couldn’t help myself. You weren’t talking to me, and I wanted to know what you were doing. Plus, I just couldn’t stand the thought of you possibly being with Jared.” He pauses, watching me intently, his eyes wide and brows curved from emotional pain.
Raising an eyebrow, I cross my arms and stick my leg out while tapping my foot. “Continue.”
“When I saw you were getting off to me… I-I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t stop watching. I was desperate.” He takes a long, slow breath. “I figured if you weren’t talking to me…maybe you’d talk to him. And when I was him, I could finally talk to you how I always wanted. I could finally flirt with you openly and give you what you were looking for. With how much you seemed to like the biker guy, I figured you may go for him. Then I figured it’d be easier to reveal myself to you once you fell for him. I don’t know. I was desperate, Char. I-I had to have you and I resorted to any measure to get you. Fuck that sounds so wrong. I’m so sorry, baby. I’m such a fucking asshole.”
I stand there observing him, deciding what to do as he stares at me with those big brown puppy dog eyes that practically beg me for forgiveness. He puts his hands inhis pockets and stays where he is, respecting my distance.
“Baby, the only reason I got aggressive the last times I texted you as him was because I was desperate. I just knew Jared was going to try to pull some shit and I was doing anything I could think of to get you home and out of that possible threatening situation. This… This is why I didn’t want to have that conversation you kept trying to bring up about the biker boy. Because I had plans all along to tell you and I wanted to wait for the right moment. But I guess that was all stupid and selfish of me. My ego got in the way. My fucking ego didn’t even think of how violated you may feel. Baby, please forgive me.”
He grabs me by the ass, pulling me completely into him. I rest my hands flat on his chest and stare up into his eyes.
This man has been my best friend forever and has now loved me so well as a girlfriend… Yes, he has his dumb moments and slip ups, but he really does care about me. And it is hot to think he wanted me so bad he tried to make me fall for him twice. The shock begins to wear off, settling more into a mixture of bratty anger and flattery.
“Answer me this.” He nods his chin ever so slightly, awaiting my question. “Did you touch yourself while watching me get off to you?”
His eyes bulge and his neck jerks back the slightest amount. I can practically see the wheels turning in overdrive as he debates what to say.
He clasps his hands together on top of his head and rests them there, his biceps popping against his tight black shirt, and his v-cut clearly peeking above his grey sweatpants. This time, he’s the one that takes a few steps back to create some distance.
“Yes.”
“How many times?”
“I masturbated until you were done.”
“How many times did you come?”
“Why does that matter?”
“Because I want to know. I’m the one whose privacy was violated and who was being stalked by their best friend. Shouldn’t I get to know the details of what you did that night too as repentance? Or did you watch me the other nights too?”
His chest rises as he exhales out, “I watched you every time after I mistakenly caught you that first time. I set up a trigger to alarm me whenever you hopped onto my page.”
Knowing he was timing his schedule to watch me masturbate sent my temperature skyrocketing to feverish levels.
“Answer the question then. How many times did you come when watching me get off to you?”
“Usually three…”
Okay, that’s sending me over the edge. Picturing him sitting in his chair, fisting himself, watching me get off while touching myself to some stranger that turned out to be him… Dear God. I’m soaked thinking about it.
“Char, I shouldn’t have—”
“Shut up,” I sternly say, cutting him off.
