Asher is surprisingly strong as he walks, standing tall like he didn’t just get stabbed only hours ago. I don’t worry about what it may look like as we walk with my arm hooked with his. Today I just look like a mourner who needs support.
We are barely inside the chapel when my eyes land on two familiar faces in the crowd, and my legs go weak, my knees nearly giving out on me as my beautiful twin boys come into view. They rush to me, not at all bothered that I’m on Asher’s arm, and they throw their arms around me… even Ronan.
I never expected them to be here. Never even asked them to attend, but I can tell by Asher’s knowing smile as the four of us pull apart that he knew.
Did he have something to do with it?
Since now isn’t the time or place to discuss everything that’s happened since their dad dropped by and blew up their world, we quickly slip into a pew, taking a seat.
Surrounded by the three most important men in my life, the twins on each side of me, and Asher next to Ronnie, some attendees’ eyes fall on us.
Do they know who I am?
Do they blame me for Joel’s death?
Because they should. Everyone here should.
The service is heartbreakingly beautiful. Such a wonderful send off to Joel that makes me wish I’d spent more time getting to know my apprentice. I let my tears fall, hoping that Joel’s spirit knows how I’ll never forgive myself for this.
Because I won’t. Not ever.
After the service, and the many tears I let fall, we make our way to the wake, all piling into Jude’s car. Asher is in the back seat with Ronnie, who hasn’t stopped talking about random stuff, which isn’t unusual for him, but it’s Asher’s grunts in acknowledgement that have me worried.
He’s clearly in pain, and when Ronan asks him about hisbruising and he simply mutters,‘another fight’, I can hear the strain in his voice. But when we arrive, and he gets out, hurrying to open my door with more colour in his cheeks, and not looking as stiff, my worries ease.
He’s okay.
When the twins aren’t looking, I rake my gaze over the black suit he’s wearing, looking more formal than I’ve ever seen him. He reminds me of a younger version of Barrett in some ways, so formally dressed yet sporting battle wounds.
My cousin used to get into a lot of fights when we were younger, yet when he put a suit on, it’s almost like the cuts and bruises disappeared.
Speaking of Barrett, I was watching him in the side mirror as we drove, two cars back again. My sons have no idea he’s there, which is kind of sad. I know they’d love to see their uncle.
Inside the wake, I make the rounds of the room, insisting that Asher and the boys stay seated at the bar table we scored. I really only wanted Asher to take advantage of the situation and rest, but also, it gives the three of them a chance to catch up without me around.
Bonnie, Seb, Lenny and Darla are gathered together in a circle talking, and as soon as Bonnie sees me, she nearly bowls me over, throwing her arms around me in a hug that reminds me of the ones my mum used to give me when I was little.
I could really use my mum right now. And my sisters. But they are strangers to me now, and all I have are my boys.
And Asher.
We stay at the wake for a few hours, and by the time I make it back to the table, Asher is alone.
“Where are the twins?”
He shrugs. “They got a phone call and said they had to go. Asked me to make sure you got home safely.”
“Oh.” My shoulders drop in disappointment. I wanted to spend time with them. Feeling far too emotional once again, I clear my throat. “I want to go now.”
Asher doesn’t miss a thing, his concerned gaze etched with sympathy as he stands and rests his hand on the small of my back. “Let’s get you home.”
As we walk, I order a rideshare, and it only takes a few minutes to arrive, picking us up and driving us home as the sun slowly sets.
Once back at home, I notice AJ’s black SUV no longer sitting in the driveway, and wonder how long ago he came by to get it.
It was a close call with Barrett arriving last night. I don’t know how to explain AJ to him, or even if I should. I’m on the fence about what to do there.
I love Barrett. Nothing will change that. But his dad is a monster. A monster that needs to get what’s coming to him, and if there’s anything I do well, it’s that.
