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“Of being involved in sperm donation?”
“I’m not ashamed of that—but to be honest, I don’t think my grandmother would have been too keen on the idea.” He shrugged. “But with her recent death that’s not relevant anymore. If Keira and Dmitri had adopted the baby as planned no one else need ever have known the truth.”
“Not me.” Ella made it a statement. “And not even the person who needed most in the world to know the truth—Holly.”
* * *
“Of course I knew Holly would have to know one day. Ella—”
She warded him off with blank, blind eyes. “But when Keira and Dmitri decided they didn’t want Holly—why didn’t you tell me then?” An instant pulsed past.
He took two long steps closer to her, and when she shuddered, he halted. “I was as shocked by the situation as you were. The first day I couldn’t think straight.” He’d expected Ella to do the motherly thing and keep the baby. But he didn’t want to say that now. He wasn’t prepared to risk extinguishing the burgeoning understanding that was forming between them. “We were always at such loggerheads. And I couldn’t tell you...immediately.”
“So when did you intend to tell me?”
By the time it had sunk in that he’d have to tell her, Keira and Dmitri had already flown off to Africa. In his arrogance, he’d believed Ella would be grateful for his offer to take the baby from her unwilling arms; he’d never expected her feisty resistance to his proposition. Well, he’d sure discovered how mistaken he was.
“Once I’d spoken to my brother—”
Ella laughed, a high, hopeless sound that sounded wild and desperate, cutting off his clumsy attempt at an explanation. “Sure. Now you need your brother’s permission? You’ve never waited for anyone else in your life before you act, Yevgeny. Now you want me to believe you needed your brother’s permission?”
Strangely enough he could understand her pain, her anger. She’d stood so firm in her conviction to be transparent, to do the very best for Holly. To the point where she was prepared to keep in touch with the baby as she grew older so that Holly would have a fully developed sense of her own identity.
“And why you? Why not Dmitri’s sperm?”
The first wave of shock had passed. He could see her brain starting to process the information. “I’m trying to explain.”
“Then get on with it.”
God, this was hard. Even though he now knew how it must hurt her, Ella had been determined to be honest with the baby to whom she’d given birth.
He’d been less honorable.
Regret ate at him. But he couldn’t change his actions, couldn’t make them more honest. All he could do was explain what had driven his deception. And be totally honest in his relationship with Holly from now on. “Ella, you need to understand...”
Ella focused on him and the pain in her eyes caused the words to trail away and his heart to clench. Then she raised her eyebrows in a way that brought his feisty Ella back. “I need to understand?”
He had to make her understand. “I needed to clear it with Dmitri—because it involves him.”
“Does it? I’d say that the essence of the situation is that it doesn’t involve him—he played no part in Holly’s conception.” She dropped her head into her hands. “And all the time I thought—” Ella broke off and lifted her face. “Keira lied to me, then—she was part of it.”
Ella had gone white.
Yevgeny started toward her, but stopped when she glared at him.
“Keira had no choice,” he told her. “Dmitri didn’t want anyone to know—although he disputes that now.”
“I don’t believe that she kept this...this...from me. I’m her sister—I offered to carry the baby she wanted. She owed me some loyalty...she and Dmitri.” Her mouth twisted in a rictus of a smile. “Or perhaps Dmitri never wanted a baby—and he was just stringing Keira along.”
“That’s not true!”
“Isn’t it? Then why the elaborate charade?”
“Because my brother is sterile!” he announced.
There was a deathly silence.
Then Ella said, “Oh.” After a moment she said, “But why such a big secret? Everyone knew from the outset Keira couldn’t have babies. There was no big secret about that.”
“It seems that it is my fault.”
That got her attention. “Your fault?”
He sighed and rubbed a hand over his hair. “Yes.”
“Was there an...accident?” she asked carefully.
