Chapter 1
EVIE
Pockets. The one day in a woman’s life she’s denied a purse, she should at least have pockets.
This gown was probably designed by a man.
Words hum around me like a tune I can’t catch, the papers jammed down the front of my dress prickly and annoying. I should’ve decreased the font and printed them out again or just used my phone. I should’ve—
“Marriage is the union of two people ...”
I shake off the unfinished thought as the celebrant’s declaration yanks me back to the moment with such clarity.I shouldn’t be here at all.
“... voluntarily entered into for life and to the exclusion of all others.”
A wave of rage washes over me. I thought those were the rules too! It takes everything I have not to burst She-Hulk-style from my dress. Hulk smash! Hulk maim! Hulk rip off the groom’s testicles and wear them as dangly earrings!
“Are you, Evelyn, free lawfully to marry Mitchell?” Her tone is sweetly resonant as she turns a warm smile my way.
She-Hulk needs to concentrate.
My gaze slides to the man at my right, my fiancé, as handsome as he’s ever been, in an impeccably cut dark suit. His hair gleams russet in the light, his faint smile meant to reassure as he mistakes the tears that suddenly well in my eyes.
Oh, honey, that’s not love shining there. Try murderous intent.
It’s good for him that I, as a veterinarian, swore an oath to use my skills for good, because I was sorely tempted to swing by the clinic this morning to pick up a little something to put him out ofmymisery.
“Evelyn?”
Jerked from my thoughts, I notice the celebrant’s worried frown. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Are you free to marry Mitchell?”
“I am.” My husky-voiced answer is technically correct. I am free to marry him. Whether Iwillis another question.
“And are you, Mitchell, free lawfully to marry Evelyn?”
“I am.” He smiles again, because ignorance is bliss. Ask me how I know.
“Now that you have both declared ...” The celebrant’s words trail away, the room suddenly echoing as I raise my hand. “You have a question, Evelyn?”
“Um, yeah.” So many, the first of which is,How did it take me until this morning to see Mitchell for what he really is? You might say the veil was plucked from my eyes right before its pearl-encrusted comb was poked into my head.
“Evie?” Mitchell’s expression falters, his eyes darting over my shoulder to Jen, my maid of honor. She needs a new title. A few unflattering options spring to mind, but first:
“Before we get to the ‘I take thee’ part, I’d like to read my vows.” My answer carries clearly through the hall.
“That part comes in a moment, dear.” The celebrant’s eyes ricochet between us before she adds a quiet “Remember?”
“I do—” I almost roll my eyes. “I mean, I know. But I need to read them now.” I reach into my neckline when Mitchell tries to stop me.
“Babe, there’s a way this has to be done.”
“There’s what’s meant to be,” I say, snatching my hand back, “and then there’s what is.” My fingers tremble as I unfold the sheets of A4 paper with the ridiculously large print as I prepare to make what my mother would call (gasp, horror) a scene. “Mitchell”—my voice is clear and calm—“you are the french fry to my chocolate shake.”
The congregation hums a collective “ahh,” and Mitch blows out a relieved breath. I’d call his smile tentative. Short lived, anyway.
“What a shock it was this morning to find you’ve been sticking yourfrench fryinto other milkshakes. In other yards.” I shoot a glare Jen’s way. She looks like she’s about to barf.
