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Both men assumed they would be marrying her.
It didn’t help that she knew so much more about Geoffrey and his family than the man to whom she was formally betrothed.
She cleared her throat. “My lord. Our future lives, if intertwined, depend much on our pasts, do they not? You know of my mistake, my poor mother, my brothers and sister, yet of you, I know nothing. Is that not unfair?”
Her finger had resumed its occupation, and she grazed it along his firm stomach and circled his navel. Under its touch, his belly rose and fell as he inhaled deeply.
“My family.” He sighed. “My father is a lesser relative of the Picardy Baliols, who acquired great wealth in West Francia. Educated, he prefers the role of administrator, safe in his borough to the north of us. My older brothers are scholars, and I was expected to be one, too.”
Matilda had seen little evidence of books in the castle. Her education had been limited, but unlike many of her sex, she at least could read and write.
“I can’t imagine you as a scholar. You’re too energetic.”
“I rebelled, and consequently, was barred from returning home. I discovered a band of mercenaries on route to the east and joined them. From them, I learnt my true craft, and never looked back.”
“And your mother?” She felt another sharp intake of breath.
“She bore a daughter, and together they passed on within days of each other. I had no recollection of her myself.” Gervais caught her wrist, stilling her. “I think you should go now.”
The dismissal was sudden and disappointing. “Could I not stay a little longer?”
“I’m tired.” He yawned expressively.
She climbed off the bed and collected her robe. The disappointment grew into resentment, and seeing the abandoned harness lying on the rushes, she thought again of what it meant to be trapped and used for no purpose other than entertainment.
“I thought we were making progress, sir. But I see I am mistaken. Father Mark and you have more in common than you realise. Both of you take delight in my flesh with little consideration for my soul.” She strode to the door, and somehow, in a flash of movement, he beat her to it, blocking her exit.
Gervais stuck out his arm and leaned on the stone wall. “Say that again.”
“Your hearing is quite excellent, I believe. I need not repeat it.” Her heartbeats drummed against her breastbone. His eyes, no longer glazed over, were wide awake and fearsome.
“You accuse me of disregarding your feelings. I have respected them—”
“In a cursory manner. You take, sir, and I yield, but what will become of me when you grow tired of me? Will you truly know me, or will you be like the priest, seeking out your next conquest, safe in the knowledge none will melt your icy heart?”
She thought for a moment he might spin her around and remind her of obedience. He had not mentioned discipline since the last visit to the tower. However, with the colour draining from his face, he lowered his arm and blinked.
“You think I am like that charlatan, that I amuse myself with you for no other purpose than to turn you into my whore?” He spoke with disbelief. She had touched a rawness that she had not anticipated.
“That is the problem, my lord. I don’t know what your purpose is, other than to marry me, which seems to me a lure, a bait to trick me into your bed. You claim I am free to leave you and marry Geoffrey,” she spat out the name in defiance of his wishes, “but what if you change your mind and Geoffrey cares not for me anymore? I shall be a spinster forever. Who would want me then?”
She ducked past him and ran out of the door, her tears landing on her cheeks. She had not intended to express her anxieties so vividly and now that she had, she could not take them back. Together, she and Gervais had weaved a tangle of emotions and it seemed neither of them had the means to unravel them.
Chapter Twenty-One
Gervais lay sleepless and troubled. Matilda’s teary eyes had affected him profoundly, more than he considered wise. Although she had brought up the name of his fellow suitor, it was the reference to the priest that had irked him. She hadn’t been the priest’s only victim, and she knew she was not alone in succumbing to his wiles, which led Gervais to wonder how the priest had managed to continue his debauchery undetected and unpunished.
Why had the Abbess allowed Father Mark to foster relationships with the young novices of her abbey; shouldn’t she have known he was unsuitable for the post? Unless the woman had prior knowledge and ignored it, or even aided him. Or perhaps she was simply a fool who couldn’t see what passed by the end of her nose.
The impact of that priest’s behaviour on Matilda endured. If she despised the predatory priest, what would she think if Gervais revealed to her his entire past? In his opinion what the priest had done was contemptible, given the man’s position of trust. Gervais was part of an order, one with rules that exacted terrible retribution on any man who broke them. For though he had witnessed evil, seen men who would do anything to satisfy their h
unger, his order, the brethren that met in secret and conducted their affairs without shame, were above reproach when it came to ensuring the sanctity of their rules. Those who joined were chosen carefully and after long deliberations and physical trials, and if the grand master suspected the order was in danger of insurrection or infiltration, then he acted swiftly. Annihilation was often the best policy for dealing with the worst offenders.
What troubled the order and Gervais was the myths that the brotherhood was corrupt; falsehoods that accused it of atrocious acts of cruelty. It was in the end why Gervais had revoked his oath and returned home to live a quieter life. The order’s long arms could only reach so far, and those that decided to hunt without its watching eye were likely to be the source of those far-fetched stories. It was said that those expelled from the order for excesses of greed, and who continued to hunt, were more dangerous than those who lived by its rules. The priest was a man like those renegades, but still living within a righteous community while deceiving those who trusted him. So where was he now and who was he preying on?
After a fitful night’s sleep, Gervais penned a few letters in his neat handwriting, sealing each one with his coat of arms. He handed them to Jacob and instructed him to use the fastest riders.
“I want answers back before the end of the month,” Gervais said.
