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“Maybe.”
“Do you need an incentive to help focus your sight?” he said watching me trace my finger along the baulk line.
My finger paused. “Can’t think of anything…..” I could but I was not going down that particular path. I dodged and weaved mentally the various images in my mind. “Doesn’t alter the fact you’ve had way more practise than me.”
“Well, perhaps while I’m in my study, you should practise. I don’t want you to feel at too much of a disadvantage.”
“I think, Mr Lucas,” I said carefully, “I’m constantly at disadvantage with you.”
He pursed his lips, smiled enigmatically and he left me to practise.
By the time Monday morning came round, we had already spent nearly a day apart. My Sundays were lonely affairs once I had been dropped back home at lunchtime. The washing, ironing and an attempt at filtering through the morass of unanswered emails left me seriously deflated.
The salvation of a busy working life continued to keep me mentally afloat even if I saw nothing of the elusive Mr Lucas, my secret lover. Apart from one day when everything nearly came crashing down about me.
~
I had made a habit of seeking lunch out once or twice a week. I flitted between various eateries in the neighbourhood. A quick hot snack at one or a leisurely sandwich at another. About me was the jungle of life in the City. Workers were predominately office bound like myself, occasionally somebody with overalls or uniformed would join the queue. The casually dressed worker stood out amongst the smart suits, it was what caught my eye.
I was on the way back post-lunch when I spied him across the street walking away from me. Crew cut hair, broad shoulders with hands stuffed in jacket pockets and khaki cargo pants. They were military issued trousers with a camouflage pattern and big black boots with thick laces. An image was recalled. He had not always worn his old military clothes, sometimes he had preferred jeans and shirts. The build was a match, as was the hair colour and posture. I was convinced it was him.
I stopped dead in my tracks. A man behind me cursed as he almost bumped into my back. How could he be here, so far from his usual haunts? Even my old office was not near to where I was currently located. I had made sure of that when I applied for the internship. Our paths must not cross and he was not one for changing his habits.
Bile hit my throat as I panicked. He could not have found me! It had been weeks and weeks since I last saw him. Please, let him keep walking and not look back. I considered dashing into a nearby building and hiding but as I started to move, my legs had gone to jelly.
No, No!
Not now, not here, on a street!
He halted and his torso rotated around. The man in khaki pants was turning and I was there, just across the street from him in plain sight
Fear. An emotion that overpowered all others. It consumed, drowned and obliterated. It also paralysed the body and mind. The paper cup of hot coffee I held in my hand came smashing down on to the ground, splattering its contents on the paving stones.
I wanted to faint. There in a state of unconsciousness I could hide and hope. Awake, I was vulnerable and terrified.
“Are you alright?” said somebody nearby.
“I…I….” I stuttered.
His face was visible. Clearly defined and the daylight honed his features even from afar. I swallowed back the vomit of my BLT baguette.
It wasn’t him. A stranger - who mimicked my nemesis perfectly - had fooled me.
“Are you sure?” repeated my good Samaritan. A middle-aged woman in a pinstriped trouser suit had taken my elbow and was practically holding me up.
“Sorry,” I muttered. “I felt a little faint, that’s all.”
“Do you need an ambulance or something?” she asked kindly.
“No, no.”
I was shaking, trembling and even though the air was warm, I was cold.
She managed to extract the name of the company I worked for and she knew my building. We were close and she walked next to me until we reached the revolving entrance door.
“I’m fine now,” I lied.
She was not convinced but we parted company and I gave her a smile of thanks.
