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“Yes I know,” saying it let all the tension out of me.
The sobs were drying up now. “I went home and was really sick. A friend came by and she was concerned, but I wouldn’t go to hospital. She asked about and this other sub came to see me, I recognised her face. Turned out she was a doctor. She was very kind, cleaned me up and gave me antibiotics. She said it would scar because it had gone deep and that I would need to keep still if it was to heal properly. I couldn’t face work. I couldn’t sit for fuck’s sake. So I resigned. The doctor came back and checked on me regular, and said I should get counselling, but I told myself I was going to be fine. That my experience was bad luck. You know, a bad apple in amongst the good ones. She did tests and reassured me that I wasn’t carrying anything unpleasant from my time with him. He was my last fuck, so I knew I was clean for you.”
Jason stroked his finger down my face. “You’re very conscientious,” he said kindly.
“Then you came along.” I hugged my knees, relieved the secret was all out in the open.
“You don’t know how many times I trekked down past that damn photocopier waiting to catch you in the flesh. Then there you were, helping me out. Bending over fiddling with things, I could have fucked you there and then. You are a sexy thing, you know that don’t you? I knew you had had a bad time, not the details. What was his name, the man who hurt you?”
I told him. I think I could guess what Jason would do with that information.
“Earlier in the week, when you….”
“Freaked out in the street?” I said.
He had remembered.
“I thought I saw him. I panicked for a moment and then it wasn’t him,” I explained.
“Sure?”
“Definitely. From the back they were similar, but the faces were totally different.”
“You think he might come after you?”
“He doesn’t know where I live or work,” I replied.
I fidgeted on my seat. There was no reason to think he would seek me out. However, I did not know much about him save he was an ex-soldier. Jason was watching me as he contemplated my words and at the same time his finger ran along his lower lip. I had not answered his question.
“It was just a crazy case of mistaken identity. Why would he seek me out and risk me changing my mind about the police.”
“That still stands? Not going to the police?”
I nodded. “The physical evidence is gone. It would be his word against mine and hell, I don’t want to have to explain the kink. My parents would find out if it went to court.”
I needed to change the subject. A new future beckoned and I wanted to know Jason’s intentions towards me. “Why did you chose me? Now we’re being honest. What about that concert ticket?”
“I wanted you the moment you mentioned that concert. I like your musical tastes, as they’re similar to mine. Your respectfulness. I like it when you are deferential to me and think to please me. Your confidence in your work, being submissive hasn’t stopped you achieving professionally. You’ve tried to work to overcome your problems and you don’t let your private life interfere with your career. It all set me alight. But I knew I had to persuade you back into having sex, so I went for traditional vanilla approach. Has it worked?” Jason raised his eyebrows at me and leaned forward.
“Yes, Jason, you’ve worked your magic on me... I am on the way to being healed,” I spoke softly.
“Can you go back in there and trust again? I’m not a therapist, this isn’t about treatment. I simply want to help you be a successful sexual submissive again. If you want counselling it can be arranged for you.”
He wanted me as his submissive! I could not take the request in and yet I knew I wanted him above all else. My job was inconsequential and my own wishes were denigrated by incredibly lustful, ridiculous thoughts of what being a submissive was to me. To be given the opportunity to please a man and give myself to him, to hand over control and be answerable only to him and nobody else. I wanted his energy flowing through me and finding my connection to him was my way forward.
“I’m coming to terms with my abuse. I don’t want therapy. You’ve made me come alive again. I trust you implicitly, Jason. I think you’re a good man. I would offer myself to you if it pleases you.”
He gave me a truly handsome smile and he clapped his hands in delight. “Yes, that’s my girl.”
I climbed on to his lap and we were kissing gently, like childhood sweethearts. “Where do we go from here?” I asked him.
“I thought we’d start out slowly. Communication is going to be key. You mustn’t let me treat you beyond what you feel capable of achieving. First though we need to discuss soft and hard limits and expectations. As your dominant, I have requirements and I should respect your limits in conjunction with them. I take it caning is out?”
“Probably for the time being,” I concurred, “definitely a hard limit -
the thick hard ones.”
“I won’t use them anyway.” Jason ran his fingers up and down my back. “I have a list somewhere. You can tick off what you do and don’t do, that way I can hold it in my memory better that way.”
