“Easy, killer.” Ky takes my hand and presses a kiss to it. I suddenly feel like I’m under a microscope. Everyone in the place is scrutinizing us. All the men, and especially all the women. There aren’t many, but definitely enough.
Once we’re outside, I share my thoughts with Ky. “They don’t like me.”
“Who doesn't?”
“All those people in there. They don’t like me with you.”
“Are you with me?” He probes.
Fair question.
“I’m still undecided.”
“Gonna make me beg for it, huh?”
“Maybe.”
“Then maybe it’ll happen.”
“I have a feeling you’ve never begged for a thing in your life.”
“On the female front, no.” He laughs. “But you may be an exception.” He places his finger under my chin.
“We’ll see.” I’m skeptical. I’ve spent enough time with Ky to know he’s proud. Way too proud. So proud, it blurs his vision, causing him to make rash decisions. Decisions that can be detrimental.
“You have my heart, Snow, whether you want to believe it or not.”
He has mine, too, and that’s a huge part of the problem.
18
Ky
Kira has been runninghot and cold all day.
I know she’s scared. I know she’s upset. And I know she’s confused. I also know a majority of all that is my fault.
What Kira doesn’t realize is that I have been in dire situations before. I’ve been knocked down, shot at, left behind, and I’ve always come back swinging. This time is no different. I will fight to fix things. Fix everything, because Kira is all I want. I want her safe, I want her happy, and I want her with me.
“My bedroom is upstairs.” I walk her through my condo. It’s a two-story end unit with a nice view of the expansive courtyard with gazebo and small duck pond. “Go lie down, and I’ll be up in a minute.”
“Can you bring me a drink, please?” She climbs the stairs slowly, physically exhausted.
“Water or beer?” I offer. It’s about all I have.
Kira snickers. “Water is fine.”
I watch her disappear to the second floor. Grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge, I crack it open and take a sip. I want to pour it over my head and wash away everything that went wrong in the last twenty-four hours. But a baptism isn’t going to change the past. It can only help me do right in the future.
In my room, I find Kira curled up in the fetal position. I sit down next to her and hand her the water. She gulps it down wearily. I brush her hair away from her face once she places her head back on my pillow. I like her lying there. I like her in my room, in my bed, part of my world.
“Do you want me to lay with you?” Kira looks up at me with unsure eyes. She’s keeping me at an arm's length, and it’s fucking killing me. “I just want to hold you, so you feel safe.” It’s the complete truth. Right now, I just want to be the man she can lean on.
“Fine.” She rolls over. I guess that cool response is better than hell no. I’ll take what I can get for now. I spoon myself against her, trapping her body in my arms. Imprisoning it. We lie there without saying one word. There’s so much we need to talk about, but the time just doesn’t seem right.
Kira’s breathing becomes heavier and heavier, and soon she’s fast asleep. I love her just being next to me. Feeling the warmth of her body and hearing the tranquility of her slumber. I dot soft kisses across her skin, pressing a tad harder when my lips reach the wave tattoo on the back of her neck. She moans so soft and sweetly I nearly dissolve. I cannot live without this woman. She has so quickly become everything. When we’re together, I die ten-thousand deaths from just one sigh. That’s her power, to bring a man like me to his knees. A man who thought he didn’t need a fucking soul to survive, but was proven wrong in a blindsiding instant, because when Kira walked into my bar, my entire existence changed. I remember my father telling me something similar about Kristen, and I didn’t believe him. I didn’t even want to hear what he was trying to tell me. In my eyes, he was a hypocrite. He preached how important family is, then he turned his back on us. Walked away from everything he was accustomed to for a woman he barely knew. I may not be walking away from my family, but I am beginning to understand the connection he has to Kristen. The undeniable force, the extreme need, the dire fear of losing her.
I’m not sure I will ever understand the motivations behind his actions, why he felt the need to disassociate himself, but I am beginning to understand love, and the commitment that goes along with that binding sentiment. I committed myself to Kira, I promised to take care of her, and I’m going to stay true to my word.
