Seeing what?Then I remember. Pulling the visor down, I’m startled by my own reflection. March’s blood is still smeared all over my face. I touch the red stains, not ready to part with them yet. It’s all I have left of him. My chest aches like someone punched a hole in it and stole my beating heart. It’s empty, yet somehow still full. It’s such an odd feeling. So unbalanced. Like I’m teetering.
“Here.” Declan hands me a wet napkin. It smells like whiskey. He shrugs. “Best I can do on short notice.”
“I’ll take it.” I try to smile, but it’s nearly impossible. So much has changed in such a short amount of time. Everything is different. Including me.
I build up the courage to wipe March’s blood away, crying the whole time. I can't believe this is me. I can’t believe I’m crying. I can’t believe I'm feeling as many things as I am. For the first time, I feel human again. I’m not a robot. Not a disgusting, broken, battered woman with demons living inside her. I feelfree.
“Farrah is really your daughter?” Declan sounds as shocked as the truth really is.
I nod, humiliated. “I had her when I was twelve.” Speaking about it is insanely difficult. “I had only gotten my period once. Liam didn’t know. I didn’t know how to tell anyone.”
“So, you had the baby and then pretended it was your sister?”
“Yes. That’s what they wanted. It’s what I wanted, too. I didn’t want her.” I cover my mouth to hide the sob. “I’m as bad as my own mother.”
“Hey.” Declan grabs my chin. “You know that’s not true. You were a child. You were manipulated by an evil man. You didn’t know.”
“Maybe, but I’ve been tortured with guilt since the day she was born.”
“Now’s your chance to make it right. We can raise her and Aisling together.”
“Together? Like a family?”
“If that’s what you want.”
In all honesty, I haven’t thought past getting through the front door. While Declan is already planning family vacations.
Breathe.
One step at a time.
Once we’re cleaned up, Declan and I go inside. It's a small little house off the beaten path. I bought it years ago exactly for this purpose, in case Ling had to flee with Farrah.
When we walk inside, there are two very anxious faces waiting, and one snoring toddler.
“She passed out. Screamed the whole way here,” Ling informs us.
“That sounds about right.” Declan kneels by the couch and softly kisses Aisling’s fingers, worshiping her like a deity. I know how much he loves her, so maybe to him she is.
“What happened? Is everyone all right? Where are Mommy and Daddy? Who was that man? Is that blood on your clothes?” Farrah lights a grease fire of questions.
I have all the answers, and I want to give her none of them. How do I explain all this? It's so overwhelming, I can barely inhale oxygen.
“There’s a helicopter waiting for us.” That’s all I can say. It’s all the words I can muster.
“What? To go where?”
“The airport. I’ll explain everything; let’s just get in the car.”
“I’m coming with you?” Her big, blue eyes are so wide and confused. I go to war with myself so I can keep it together. I just ruined her whole damn life.
“We’ll talk more in the car. Right now, we need to get to that helicopter.” We all pile into the SUV and take off back to the house. Well, what’s left of it.
“Farrah,” I try warning her from the front seat.
“Oh my God, look at all that smoke.” She sees it before I can enlighten her.
“It’s the house.”
