I don’t get back into the city until late in the day. I grab some birria tacos for dinner from one of my favorite stands close to the club. I savor the small indulgence of braised meat and fried tortillas. The vibrant flavors of lime and cilantro dancing on my tongue. This is about as close to sexual pleasure as I’ve come over the last few months. Stefania is right — I am Virgin Mary.
I can count on one hand how many men I’ve been with since I landed in Texas. Each and every one had a short shelf life. And I’m not bothered by it at all. The best advice I was ever given was you’re better off alone than poorly accompanied, and when it comes to the opposite sex, poor company is all I seem to find.
I don’t see myself as the marrying type. And I’m sure as hell not the soccer-mom type. Most of the men I’ve been with could barely get me off, so what’s the point of even pursuing a relationship when I can get more pleasure out of the act flying solo?
I’ll tell you, there’s no point. This shark swims alone, and she likes it.
I walk through the front doors of the club past Paco and Cheecho, the two gatekeepers, and Kara, the girl who takes money at the door. Inside, Tweety and Izzy are overseeing the bar set up, and Tate is dutifully filling beer coolers. All seems right in the world at this very moment.
“Tiburona,” Izzy calls as I walk across the dance floor. “Stefania was looking for you. She’s upstairs.”
Fantastic. I was hoping after this morning she would give me some space. No such luck.
I chance a look at Tate. He’s staring; no surprise. I walk away without any emotion on my sleeve.
When I get to the office, Stefania is sitting on the couch, an untouched glass of red wine in front of her.
She’s perfectly polished as always. Her long, black hair is down and pin-straight, a light pink tunic top falling stylishly off one shoulder. But as beautiful and polished as she is, her sadness is evident. It’s the most prominent thing about her.
“You all right?” I sit down next to her.
“I will be.”
“It’s the right thing to do.”
“I know. It doesn’t mean it hurts any less. When we’re apart, it feels like my insides are ripping in two.”
“I can’t say I understand.”
“That’s because you don’t understand love.”
“The only thing love has ever done for me is hurt me. So, no, I don’t understand.”
“One day you will.”
“I doubt it.”
“You’re strong,Palomita. It’s why March and Fallon brought you to me. They knew it’s what I needed. But you’re not invincible. And you’re not dead. I know you push people away because when you let them in, you feel too much.”
“I don’t let people in because all they do is hurt me,” I contest. “My whole life. You know that. You know everything.”
“I do,” she agrees. “I also know you’re human, just like me, and like me, you will need basic human things.”
“Like food and water?”
“And love. Love is the foundation.”
“I have love. I have you, and this club, and this cartel.”
“It’s not the same. It won’t fill your soul.”
“What soul? That was destroyed a long time ago.”
“No. I don’t believe it. It’s only buried.”
“It’s gone.”
“It’s there. Someone just needs to resurrect it. Like Marco did with mine.”
