AllFreeNovel
Share Us
There was nothing to do but concentrate on the early evening’s activities. Jason spent his time unwinding in a shower then playing with Joshua and bathing his son. Clara left, and I prepared the evening meal, read and sang to Joshua, and rocked him into a placid state of sleepiness.
Throughout our dinner, Jason read and said nothing to me other than to ask for seconds. He bolted his food down, his appetite unaffected by my mishap. He couldn’t fail to notice I limped slightly as my calf muscle ached from the cramp. Picking up the report he had been reading, he relocated to the sitting room while I cleaned up.
By the time I joined him, the report had been tossed to one side and he lounged with his eyes closed. I knelt by his feet and waited. My heartbeats mirrored my thoughts: chaotic and distracted by nerves.
“He had to run from the gatehouse.” Jason opened his eyes. “Nearly half a mile. Wondering the whole time if you were all right, whether time might be critical. Maybe you were unconscious or bleeding. Worse, Dave feared you had taken Joshua with you, and perhaps our son was hurt.”
A rush of adrenaline hit my belly. I hadn’t contemplated that scenario.
“I’m sorry…I was—” I stuttered and bit down on the back of my hand.
“Don’t. Do not mention anything to do with impulsive decisions, oversights, or simply forgetting. You know how I treasure you, your safety. There are no excuses, are there?”
“No, Sir.” I slumped. “I didn’t appreciate what happened when I tell the gatehouse my plans. I regret not telling security about my swimming sessions. My thoughtlessness—”
Jason leaned forward. “Sessions?” He gripped the armrests, his knuckles raised and white. “You’ve done this before?”
I’d blown it. In my desperation to appear apologetic, I’d assumed Johnson had spilled the beans on my other trips to the pool. He had left that confession to me. My foolish slip of the tongue had now landed me in serious trouble.
“Sorry.”
“Shut up,” he snarled.
Tears built, ready to tumble over my rims. I hated the way they came to my eyes so quickly the moment I became flooded with disappointment.
He sagged into his chair. “Oh this makes a mockery of us, doesn’t it? What is the point of having a relationship where respect for me, for my desire to protect and foster you, is ignored by you. Time and time again, in recent months, you have let me down. Self-inflicted punishments, touching yourself sexually, now you forget a simple rule I instigated. One of the first I gave you.”
With fingers trembling, I daren’t look at him. All I felt was an overwhelming need to explain my failings. “You’ve been away all week,” I spouted. “I’ve hardly seen you. It is so damn hard sometimes. I’m not perfect. I will never be perfect for you. It gnaws away at me. That I can’t be what you want me to be. When we’re apart, my submission slips away like water through a sieve. I don’t see rules, your dominance, or even you. I plough through the day and become the independent brat you don’t want.”
Tears accompanied my verbal tirade, along with the wringing of my hands and hiccups of despair.
Jason hadn’t expected me to blurt out so much in one stream. By the time I finished, I was in a state of distress. “I’m so sorry,” I pounded my fist on my thigh, gritting my teeth. “I didn’t know somebody sat up here while I used the pool on my own. I didn’t appreciate how, behind the scenes, my life is constantly watched over. What happened to me today? Do you actually care? I went for a swim, and I nearly fucking drowned!”
My last word seemed to jump Jason into action. He pulled me up and onto his lap as I broke down. I clung to him as he held me. When I calmed, feeling the warmth of his rapid breath on my neck, he spoke.
“I don’t want or expect perfection. Why do you think I would care how perfect your submission is as long as you try? What I care about is trust. I need, we both need, to trust each other absolutely. So, when you are alone, I can be at peace. I try to be consistent with you, Gemma. I can’t let you break rules, battle my dominance. You know we feed each other. I admit, I’ve been busier than usual, but you can’t expect me to be there, checking in on you. I have to believe you carry out my wishes, even when I’m not present. It’s fundamental to us.”
I laid my head on his beating chest, contemplated his words, and shuddered with shame at my recent escapade. I hadn’t even said
a proper thank you to Dave Johnson for running to my rescue.
“Shit. I screwed up.” I shook my head, despondent. “Please, punish me, Master.”
Jason sighed. “I don’t like this notion punishment will make me feel better or resolve this.”
“I have to have a sense of accountability, or how else will I learn?”
Jason swept the hair back from my damp face. “Tell me, did you go right under?”
I nodded. “I swallowed water. I panicked because I couldn’t tread water and—”
“You were afraid. I’m not going to punish you. Fear is your enemy, and it will do a far better job than me in reminding you of your foolishness. We’ve been here before, and I revoked my right to punish you on that occasion.”
He referred to when I wandered off and became lost in a market in North Africa during our cruise. I’d panicked then, too. Nevertheless, I remained accountable for my actions and needed to atone.
“Please, Master.”
“No,” ruled Jason. “You will not dictate to me. From now on, in addition to informing the gatehouse, you will not swim in the deep end on your own. For the time being, I have other ways to remind you of your place.”
