Page 86 of Sublime Trust

He lifted his head. “Do you remember the first time?”

She paused, delighted that their thoughts had re-traced the same journey. “Of course.

A precious moment that can’t be reproduced or re-created. I was so nervous!”

Jason lay next to her. One of his fingers trailed around her belly as he rested on his other elbow. “Nervous? You didn’t seem especially nervous. Quite keen, if I recollect. Foreplay was barely necessary.”

“Oh, before then. In the car, on the way to Blythewood House. I realised I had broken all my own rules. After what had happened to me, you would have thought I would have been extra careful.” She shook her head with the mildly unsettling memories.

“Rules?”

“Leaving a contact number or have someone ring me at a specified time. You know, that sort of thing. Instead, I went with a strange man on my own. I was very aware of my vulnerabilities. Blythewood House, in the darkness, looked like a Victorian gothic horror house. I thought I was about to enter a world like my first Master’s—a time warp experience. Of course, the interior of Blythewood is different, not exactly antique. However, I made a decision to trust you before I’d even got out of the car.”

“I can assume you have no regrets! What if I had told you I was a Dominant from the outset? No vanilla wooing you. Would you have gone with me that first night?”

Gemma tilted her head to one side. “If I had been in my subbie mindset? No. I would have requested another meeting, a proper interview-type thing. Limits discussed up front. You know the drill, we did it three weeks later. But I wasn’t in my submissive place back then. I lost it completely. I genuinely thought you were going to be a vanilla lover for me. I think that was why I was mad at you when you ignored me for a few days. You were being a typical Dom, and I was thinking, I’m your girlfriend, speak to me!”

“I suppose, I didn’t notice. Probably why conventional relationships didn’t work for me. I didn’t have the inclination to do the romantic getting-to-know-you stuff.” His finger moved up to her breasts. “You came back the next weekend, though.”

“You practically ordered me to visit, and subbie me revived. At the time, I’m sure I was oblivious to the subtleness of it all. I concentrated so hard on wanting sex. Needing it again without being afraid. You said on that first night sex with me was good. ‘Fine sex, Miss Marshall!’” She thumped a hand on the bed. “Did you mean it, or was that part of the heal-Gemma process? Make me want you more?”

Jason turned her head to face him. His eyes twinkled under the halogens.

“I absolutely meant it. I’ve fucked a lot of women in my time. I know when I’m enjoying it and when I’ve found it indifferent. You were so willing from the beginning. You may not have been thinking as a submissive, but you behaved as one. The fact you held back from touching me, as if I was going to deny you pleasure, made you a dream to fuck. Truly, Miss Low-Self-Esteem. All this time, you thought I was faking?” He shook his head. “Do I lie about sex?”

“No. I lie to myself. Like my doubts about my versatility.”

“I was so used to submissives who are at ease with group sex, who know what to expect and what to do. You have a black hole in your training. It doesn’t match with the rest of your abilities.”

“I’m still a good submissive, then?” She bit her lip.

“Oh, jeez, Gem. You have really got to stop thinking yourself down. You would never behave this way about work or your career or your artistic abilities. You are very good at what you know how to do. Especially, my little subbie, at taking pain.” He gave her nipple a hard flick. She briefly shut her eyes in response. “See? I will teach you to be versatile. Don’t worry.”

Gemma wanted to know more. He rarely bothered to speak of his past. “Were you patient with your subs when you trained them?”

“Ah. Well, I was a different man back then. Younger, very arrogant, and impatient. I punished at the slightest infraction. My reputation in work and play, ruthless. So, I stuck to that line. Hard to believe?” Jason said sardonically, raising an eyebrow. “The scenes grew repetitive. The challenges diminished. I lost interest quickly and detached myself from Damien and his kind. I wanted fun, relief from the stresses of work, not to spend my leisure time listening to a fresh-faced girl explain yet again why she failed to hold her orgasm. I pushed the more able ones, but it meant going to places that were increasingly darker and, by the time I bought Blythewood, I’d settled on the idea of concentrating on only experienced subs for my pleasure. Selfish, perhaps, but they had the delights of being used in a well-equipped play room, and I was generous with gifts and rewards.”

“You mellowed?” His finger traced the henna pattern round and round her breasts. It tickled slightly, but she managed to ignore his distraction.

“Gradually, not overnight. By the time you came along, I knew I was after something different. I still wanted the challenge though. A buzz.”

“Little, broken me. When did you really fall in love with me, Jason. Honestly? Be a little romantic. Go on, confess,” she cajoled, poking his chest with her forefinger.

Jason paused. She remembered he had openly declared his love for her on a night that was emotionally terrifying for both of them. She had faced her violent perpetrator while he thought she had been abducted or worse, dead. The sentiment of love existed before then, it had to have done, she had felt it, seen him fight to keep it at bay. However, not neatly packaged, it had lain in pieces and had to be assembled into an affirmation.

“Not a lightning strike for me. I’ve never been in love before, even with my longer-term bedfellows. Your fragility became apparent to me when you gave me your first safe-word. When my previous subs gave me a red, I would feel disappointment the momentum had been lost and another had extinguished my thrills. I honoured their wishes but secretly resented the hold they had over me. With you, I felt compassion. Your safe-word made me concerned for you. Each time you opened up about your fears, you took me. Piece by piece. After I punished you in my office and you fretted I wouldn’t want you. When you broke down in the kitchen after I had put you through my dominating grinder. By the time the murderous Libby had her hands on you, I was a goner, Gemma. Captured.”

“Scotland? When I left you, and you released me from my submission?”

“I don’t think either of us wanted to give up on the relationship. We’re both proud and stubborn, though, aren’t we? Waiting for one of us to give in first and admit we were right for each other. I’m used to brinkmanship, risk taking, but I couldn’t let you go.”

“I don’t regret what I did in Scotland. Making you open up to me. I wouldn’t have accepted a marriage proposal from you if you hadn’t been honest with your emotions.”

“You and Mum are the only ones capable of making me talk frankly, Gem.” His face suddenly solidified. Gone was the relaxed smile lines, replaced by a distant expression. “Are you looking forward to Dubrovnik?” A new topic. He didn’t want to lead her into talking about his mother. He rarely discussed his family.

“Yes. A meal out?” she said eagerly, building on his lead.

“There is a nightclub you might like. A Latino style club.”

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