“Whatever, anything is fine.” Grim looks over at me then abandons the luggage and steps closer. He runs his elegant finger down my forehead and over my nose, stopping when he reaches my lips, lingering there.
“Stop worrying. I said I would fix it,” he insists.
“I’m notworried.” The lie turns my stomach. Grim cocks one eyebrow, it’s a very human expression for him. I lower my head and peer up at him. “Okay, I’m a little nervous. What if I can’t release them?”
The door to the room clicks shut softly, telling me Gunnar left. “You will release them,” Grim replies, making it seem like there is no room for argument. “We can do it now if you don’t want to wait.” He looks around.
“What do I need to do?” I look around too, wondering what he’s thinking.
“A light meditation. You need to be able to focus so you can concentrate on what we’re doing. That is why I was going to wait until later,” Grim tells me like it will be the simplest thing in the world.
“You said you didn’t know I could contain them. What does that mean exactly?” I drop onto the bed.
“I assumed you stripped the souls and released them. There aren’t many who are able to hold on to it. The natural process is for it to be disbursed, to move on to the next place.”
This probably isn’t the best conversation to have while in a strange hotel room dressed in only a towel, but here it goes. “What exactly am I?”
Grim tilts his head like I’ve confused him. “You are you.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m not having an existential crisis here, Loverboy. I’m asking what I am. What kind of monster am I?” I clarify.
Grim lifts his chin in understanding. “You are the daughter of Lilith, a goddess of life.”
I grab onto the bed sheet, convinced someone just rocked my world off its axis if the dizzy feeling overtaking me means anything. Grim places his hand over mine. His heat and touch are welcome. “Help me understand why that matters,” he requests with genuine concern.
“I…” I start, but I don’t really have an answer. Does it really matter? It’s a name, a title even, but it doesn’t dictate who I am. In fact, it’s really the opposite of who I am. I’m an orphan, thrown away by parents who never bargained to have a monster for a child.
“It shouldn’t matter, I don’t want it to matter, but I never knew. I just thought I was other, a misfit.” I shake my head and shove the self-pitying thoughts away. “Why do I need sins to survive?”
Grim takes a deep breath and his eyes go unfocused. “Perception is reality.” He blinks slowly. “Many beings that we consider to be Charmed exist because someone, or many someones, believed them into reality. One does not exist without the other.”
“But I was born, you told me I chose to be born. What does that have to do with me?”
“Yes, you chose this life,” he confirms, squeezing my hand. “What stories do you know of Lilith?”
I scan my thoughts. “I’ll be honest, religion isn’t my strong suit, but I think Lilith was Adam’s first wife, right?” Grim nods, urging me to continue. “She was created by God, just like Adam, notofAdam.” I squint, not recalling how she was suddenly no longer Adam’s wife or why Eve came along. “I don’t know, she’s evil or a demon or something, right?”
“No.” Grim says it with absolute certainty. “She was beautiful, curious, and uncontainable, but not evil.”
“Did you know her?” I accuse, jealousy darkening my voice.
“We existed at the same time,” he answers cryptically.
“That doesn’t answer my question.” I lower my chin and give him a scowl. “You called her beautiful.”
“In the same way a tidal wave is beautiful, chaotic and destructive, but still stunning,” Grim reasons.
“So… she was evil?”
“Not any more than you or me. We just are.” I rub my temple at Grim’s non-answer. “But you’re making my point. Your perception, along with everyone else’s, influences manifestations. You consume sins for substance because that is what one would expect from the daughter of Lilith.”
My hand falls away from my face and my mouth slips open. “But I didn’t know I was Lilith’s daughter.”
“Yet you are, just as I am Death. Consuming sins doesn’t make you evil, any more than reaping souls makes me evil. It just helps you thrive on the perception of those that believe there is more to this world than what is clearly visible. Without that belief, most of us would cease to exist.”
“So, is she still alive?” I bite my lip. I’m not sure I ever want to meet the woman Grim described as beautifully chaotic.
“In you. When you chose to be born here, she ended and you began.”
