I look around. Gunnar is now in the room too. All three of them are watching me with varying expressions, but none of them are looking at Calix or saying anything about the way he just handled me. “I have no clue what the fuck you’re talking about. But if you ever,” I snarl, stepping closer to Calix and getting right in his face, “touch me like that again out of anger, I will slit your throat and watch you bleed.” I stomp out of the room. Rage is simmering under my skin, and it’s so potent that I feel like I might burn the house down.
“Damiana,” Gunnar calls, but I ignore him.
“Motherfuckers.”
I feel the house literally shake as they chase me down the stairs. Grim ends up appearing right in front of me at the bottom of the steps.
“Move!”
“The Nemean thinks you want the wolf,” Grim tells me, not stepping out of my way or beating around the bush.
I shove his shoulder. It’s not lost on me that I just pushed him, yet I threatened to kill Calix for doing something similar. “Then he’s an idiot, and so are you for believing his bullshit!”
“I told you,” Gunnar snaps.
“Fuck! I’m sorry, but I heard you say you didn’t know how to tell us something this morning, then Aeson came up with that bullshit lie about vaginal dryness. I don’t know what to think!” he shouts, still angry.
“That has absolutely fucking nothing to do with Torin!” If I had neighbors, they would be in lawn chairs listening to this shit show.
“Then what were you talking about?” Gunnar’s voice is hard as he crosses his arms over his chest and stands next to Calix in a united front.
“Fuck you, I don’t need to tell you shit.” I start to walk away again, but they all follow me. “Fucking idiot. That’s his automatic assumption? That I want to fuck more people? Like the three dicks I have already aren’t enough for me?” I’m talking to myself, and my body is damn near vibrating with fury.
“You’re nice to him—you call him ‘Wolfy,’” Gunnar reasons, not helping their case.
“Of course I’m nice to him. Contrary to popular opinion, I’m not a heartless bitch, and he just lost his fucking mate.”
Grim distances himself from the other two men, his eyes glued to me. “You should be quiet now,” he tells them.
“No,” Gunnar insists. “She admitted there is something she is keeping from us. I want to know what it is.”
I shake my head. There is no way I’m telling them now, especially not like this. I force some calmness into my tone. “No, I’m not ready to talk to you about it now.”
Gunnar scoffs, like I’m being childish. It takes everything in me not to say something snide to him. He looks at Calix as if he’s waiting for him to add something, but he doesn’t. Instead, Calix turns his back to me and walks away without ever acknowledging he did something wrong. It makes my chest ache.
I wet my lips. “Grim, I’m sorry I pushed you when we were near the stairs, that was wrong.” I don’t wait for his reply, instead I stride past him and into the foyer then right out the front door.
The air is much cooler here, and dawn is still a few hours away, so my yard is blanketed in darkness, leaving just the moon and stars to cast a gloomy glow. I can’t even make out the tree line from my porch.
When it’s clear no one is going to follow me this time, I lay my hand over my lower stomach and whisper miserably, “Well, that didn’t go how I expected.”
After pouting on the porch for an hour, I make my way back into the house, taking it as a sign of growth that I didn’t need one of them to convince me to come back inside. Yay me.
Calix’s head pops up when I amble into my favorite parlor. I already knew they were here. I’m still upset about what he did, but I don’t know how to have a productive conversation about it.
Gunnar’s arms fold over his chest as if to protect himself from me. I feel defeated before I even speak, but I don’t let it stop me. “Yeah, so it sucks that you don’t trust me. It makes me feel like you think I take this for granted. I get that you guys got the raw end of the deal when it comes to getting me as your mate, considering I got all of you, but I wouldn’t do that to you, not to any of you.” I don’t know what to do with my body. My hands feel awkward at my sides and weird when I put them on my hips, so I end up just fidgeting around a bit.
I expect someone to say something, to maybe even deny that they got a raw deal, but no one speaks up, and it hurts. I swallow the lump in my throat, not knowing what else to say since they aren’t even speaking.
I hook my thumb over my shoulder. “I’m tired, so…” My nose sounds clogged, but I ignore it. With that I leave the room, my head high, at least until I make it to the stairs, which is when I allow the façade to crumble as I slowly make my way up to my room.
When I shut the door behind me, I lock it. It’s the first time in months I’ve locked them away from me, but I need the space now. I don’t think I could handle them ignoring me again. I’d rather shut them out before they can do it to me.
I take a nice long shower, and a few tears might have even fallen, but I’ll never tell. Then I pull on a pair of leggings and one of my own oversized shirts. The sheets are freshly laundered: the benefit of hiring a cleaning crew that actually works, even if I’m not home.
I don’t expect sleep to come quickly, but when I close my eyes, I’m surprised at how tired I feel. I let my mind go blank, and every time a thought tries to intrude, I cover it with a blanket of blackness until I eventually drift off.
* * *
