Maybe that’s what happened when you walked too closely to gods. Even if they were gods of the rock variety.
“Thank you, Eli. I owe you.”
I patted his shoulder, not really looking at him. “Believe me, it's me who should be thanking you. You’ve literally saved me weeks of—”
“Am I interrupting something?”
Blinking into the darkness, I felt my spine stiffen. I knew that voice even when I couldn’t see his face clearly, just a shadowy outline.
“No, brother.” Louis moved away from me, and my hand dropped from his shoulder to my side. “I just needed to ask Eli a favour.”
“Oh, I see.”
My eyes darted away as Jax Turner stepped into the circle of light. All night I had felt his eyes on me, but he hadn’t come over to say hello. He had simply watched. I’d stupidly thought that was as bad as it was going to get. But I was wrong. He had just been waiting and watching for a chance to get me alone, and I didn’t want to be alone with him. I wouldn’t be able to hide my feelings when I was face to face with him.
“I’ll drop you a text tomorrow and work something out.” Louis' sleeve brushed my arm as he walked away. “Look after yourself.” He gave me a goofy thumbs up, and, before I could stop him, disappeared from sight. I kept staring at the rectangle of light where he had disappeared, like if I stared hard enough, he would come and rescue me from the awkward conversation I was about to have. But Louis didn’t miraculously appear again. No one did.
“Elodie.” Jax’s voice was ragged with emotion, and I turned to him in shock. He didn’t get to sound like that. He didn’t get to feel hurt after everything. “I just want to say—”
If he said sorry, I was going to lose my shit. Even if I deserved the apology that he obviously wanted to give me, I didn’t want to hear it. Not when he sounded like he did.
“It's fine, Jax.” My voice was as uneven as his, and I hated myself for the weakness it showed. “It’s in the past. Forget about it. Have a good n—”
My attempt at walking past him failed the second his ringed fingers closed around my wrist. I paused, staring at it for a second before slowly lifting my eyes to meet his. And even in the darkness, I could see something in them that I never thought I would see in Jax Turner’s face.
Desperation.
“Jax...”
“I-I’m...” he stuttered, “I’m sorry, ok? So fucking sorry, and—”
“It's ok. It is what it is.” I shrugged. Except it wasn’t ok. Nothing had felt ok since I had got back onto home soil. Jax's words haunted me. He had been so quick to think the worst of me. He hadn’t wanted to hear what I had to say, tearing into me with his words before I could defend myself. Not that I should’ve had to.
“It's not what it is, Elodie.” He tugged me forward, towards him and out of the light of the open doorway. I didn’t want to get closer to him. Being close to Jax wasn’t good for my health, but I didn’t put up a fight. Like a fool, I let him pull me towards him until there was barely an inch between us. The smell of him filled my lungs. It was so familiar. And so fucking good.
Jax smelt like pure, clean man.
It was a scent I could get lost in, just like I could get drunk from the look in his eyes.
“Jax, please...” I shouldn’t have begged him. I was a strong woman who didn’t need Jax, fucking, Turner in her life. And I wanted to be strong, but it was just impossible to be when he was looking at me with those eyes. “Please, just stop—”
“No.” One word. But he sounded surer of himself than he ever had. He crushed me against his chest. “Not going to stop. Not going to leave you alone. Scream at me, Elodie, close those little fists and beat on me. I won’t stop you. I deserve it and more, but don’t fucking ask me to leave you alone because I can’t. Don’t ask me to stop.”
“We’re home. We are...”
Jax’s lips came down hot and hard on mine. Desperation made his kiss bracingly hard. It was over before it had really started, but it still left me breathless. My lips felt swollen, and I pressed my fingers to them.
“It was never going to end when the tour closed, Elodie. Not for me, anyway.” Dipping his head down, he leant his forehead against mine. “Not for us.”
I groaned. He was saying the words that millions of women around the world fantasised about hearing. Every woman but me. It wasn’t because I didn’t feel the same, but because I did. I just couldn’t let my guard down around him again. I couldn’t let him in. My heart wouldn’t be able to take being stamped on again.
“It won’t work, Jax. You don’t trust me, and after what you said, I sure as hell don’t trust you.”
He pressed his thumb to my lips, silencing me. “Just words, Elodie. They were just words I said in anger that didn’t mean anything.” Back and forth, his thumb rubbed, pulling my lip down and out with every swipe.
I pulled back from him.
“These are just words as well. What you are saying is just words. They mean nothing really.”
