Movement No. 17
Yasmeena
It’s been a strange couple of months, but it feels good to finally be performing my sideshow act in Hel’s Carnival again. Tempest and I have been practicing day in and day out, but now we’re just about ready. Our last rehearsal is tomorrow, but today Raph assigned me to do lyra at noon, to give me a break from all the trapeze work. Let me clear my head.
Putting the finishing touches on my makeup, I swipe lipstick on as someone enters my tent. Looking over, I expect to see Tempest, but am surprised by Khalid instead.
“Hello sister dearest,” he says, and I turn around to face him.
“What is it?”
He sits down on my bed, directly across from me, and sighs. “When did you know you were ready for marriage?”
At that, I laugh. “When the King of Hel told me he was going to force my little brother into an arranged marriage.”
“Ah, fuck. Fair. When do you think you’d know, if it were real?” There’s a gleam in his eyes, one I don’t often find there, and I just stare at him.
There’s a grown felion here in front of me, but I don’t see him. All I see is a young boy with tan skin, eyes like liquid gold, and two sets of ears, doing backflips on a dirt-covered roadsomewhere on Ira. Our parents stand beside us, watching in awe as I do a split, and my brother and I bow and curtsy before them.
I miss their smiles and their applause, but I do not falter. “You mean when willyouknow?”
“Draven and Gemma have a child in their care now, and everyone else is married. You’re getting married?—”
“Hold the phone. My marriage is a political farce,” I say, interrupting him.
“You know what I mean. Lilian and Baelor are married. It feels like Reina and I are behind, and maybe that’s my fault,” he confesses, his voice a whisper.
“Khalid, you don’t have to get married. You two could just be life partners forever. You could break up. The planet is vast and there are endless opportunities. Taryn is uninterested in dating ever, Leo is single right now. I’m pretty sure Luc is looking for love. There’s no right or wrong way to be, so just do what is right for you,” I say, trying to sound wiser than I likely am.
“I think I’m afraid of anything permanent because all I’ve ever known is change and death,” he admits, and it hurts my heart, because it’s true.
The government of Ira manipulated the system, forcing the lupion and other species to work difficult jobs without any other viable options. They gave us no support, no safety nets, just dangerous working conditions and vile levels of mistreatment. It was a nightmare, but I’m glad it’s over, even if remnants of our trauma remain.
“You are the only one who can write your story, Khalid. If you want a life full of happiness and joy and love, you have to be the one to create it.”
“I’m scared,” he confesses, and it kills me.
“I know, Khalid. I know,” I say, and get up and sit beside him, pulling him in to rest his head on my shoulder. I take in a deep breath. “We grew up in a cage. It might not have been a physical one, but we were controlled and abused our entire lives. Now that you’re out, don’t force yourself back into one of your ownmaking. Fear—being afraid to live orlove—is an imprisonment of its own. Let love free you.”
“I love you,” he says, and wraps his arms around me.
I give him a tight squeeze. “I love you too. Go plan a proposal, bonehead.”
“Roger that.” Khalid salutes me and exits my tent.
Time to perform.
Maneuvering through camp, I make my way past the gates and out into the main segment of Hel’s Carnival. There is applause as a small crowd surrounds Lilian. She’s doing handstands on a platform, her legs splitting in mid air, and Rowan comes and assists me, rolling out the lollipop apparatus. Like my lyra, it is a giant hoop, but it connects to a stabilized pole rather than hanging from the ceiling.
Lilian finishes her set and I jump onto the hoop, doing various acrobatic poses—Mermaid, cradle, stagseat—ensuring all my choices are family friendly. Nothing provocative.
The Sinner’s Circus is sexy and sinful, violent and provocative, but Hel’s Carnival is just that… a carnival, designed to be fun for the whole family. It predates the sadistic and sexual night show we’ve all come to know and love.
I’m in my element, really giving every pose my all, when I decide to scan the crowd. Lilian stands in a back corner of the crowd. I can barely see her thanks to the tall people leading in the front and middle, including Tempest.
The lupion is in her normal attire. Loose fitting barrel jeans and a tight tank top. Her silvery white hair flows down her shoulders and back, and I want to reach and touch it, but instead I shift into the mermaid pose.
“Do you take requests?” a half-demon shouts from the front row. “Slow down, make it sexy.”
