“But I had thewatch! And I let a man die! It was my job to keep him safe, and Ifailed.” Seth buried his head in her shoulder.
Cassandra said nothing. Honeyed words and sweet platitudes couldn’t ease his conscience. This was a burden he would carry for the rest of his life. When it got too heavy to bear, she would hold space for both the man who laid in her bed, and the man whose words sat on her bedside table.
“With the blood on my hands, I don’t deserve to hold you, Cassandra. And you still aren’tsafe. Every time I leave the house, whenever you’re out of my sight, I’m terrified that something will happen to you. That you’ll be hurt, or die. I close my eyes and I see that shot hitting you instead. God, I can’t live with this fear.”
“I worry too, Seth, but the pain of loss is the cost of love. I could fall and hit my head tomorrow, or I could get sick, oryoucould.” She held his face in her hands. “When I thought you were going to die, my biggest regret was that I hadn’t loved you as I should have.” She kissed him, soft and slow. “I refuse to live my life in fear any longer. I want to spend my lifelovingyou, knowing that every day, every kiss, everybreathcould be our last. When the day comes where you’re not around, my memories of you will be filled with enough love to last me until I see you again.”
She moved to sit in his lap. Placing her hands on his shoulders, she met his eyes in the darkness.
“When you came back into my life, I was so deep in grief that the sun dimmed. It didn’t seem as though the clouds would ever clear. And then, one evening, over the turn of a page and a smile, the luminescenceblindedme. That’s what you do for me, Seth. You bring light into my world.” She felt his smile under her fingertips and gave him one of her own. “It might take some time, but we’ll find your light again. For now, my love, we can share mine.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
“Stop working, we’re going to be late,” Cassandra commanded at the door to Seth’s office. Bent over his writing desk, papers askew, Seth tapped his pencil against the corner of the desk without looking up from his sketch.
“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?” His gaze traveled absently from his work to her. “Don’t you want to be fashionably—”
Seth’s jaw slackened. The pencil dropped from his hand, hit the desk with a clatter, and rolled onto the floor.
“Good evening, Mr. Reeves.” She dropped into a low curtsy. The red silk of her skirts spread out like unfurled petals, her hair pinned with roses and silver, matching the deep crimson of his cravat and the silver of his vest. Astonishment turned to hunger in his eyes. They locked onto hers and traveled over her with deliberate focus.
“We aren’t going.”
He bounded toward her.
With a flutter in her chest and a pitched shriek, she jumped away from him and to the open door. He pulled it closed before she could reach it and caught her in half a step. He anchored his arms around her waist and held her back against his chest as he took slow steps back to the chair.
She giggled and squirmed in his hold.
“We had a deal! Not untilafterthe ball!” she protested as he sat her on his lap. One arm held her to him while the other worked at her fastenings between them.
“Your dress is falling off, love. I would hate for it to fall to thefloor. Allow me to fix it.”
“No, it isn’t!”
But it was already loosening with quick tugs and gentle pulls of fabric. Cool air ghosted across her bosom as her dress slid from her shoulders. She held the top in place and scolded him.
“Seth! It took hours to get into this dress!”
“Hours, you say? We need to sack your lady’s maid. She didn’t even tighten your corset properly.” A gasping rush of air entered her lungs as her bindings released. “Can’t have you leave the house like this, darling. People mighttalk.”
Seth left a trail of open-mouth kisses over her upper back, causing the fine hairs on her body to rise. He noted her reaction and grinned against her shoulder. The length of his sex was as hard as his breathing as he gripped her hips and rocked forward.
And really… what wasonemissed event?
“We have to go,” she told herself as much as him.
“We will,” he whispered against her ear. “Raise your skirts.”
Her voice rose an octave. “In a chair?”
“Or… I could bend you over my desk.” He placed her hands on the desk and molded her to lean forward. “Yes. Likethat.”
“There’s no time,” she said, even as she lifted her skirts.
“Five minutes.”
She gave him a dubious expression over her shoulder. “It’ll take longer than five minutes—” her words ended with a moan when he parted her drawers. Reaching the center of her, he slid into her deliciously. She gripped the desk tighter and gasped.
