I wake up fearing the worst. My clothes tangled in the sheets, off me, a musk in the air all too familiar. Mother had told me it was nothing. That I’d just been having nightmares because I ate too much. I’d believed her. Iwantto believe her.
“That's why I can’t stand the dark. I’m blind, helpless, I don’t know who’s there with me.”
“Did you ever find out?”
I’m shaking, horrified at what I’d just admitted. Something’s wringing me, purging me of tears. I’m not a crier, but it’s been stewing for years. Decades. I only ever wished to be separate from my past, but it refuses to let me go. I can never get a clean break when it clings to me like a disease.
“I’ve always known. I’m just not allowed to say out loud.”
I want to scream so loud who it is, but my silence is both my aegis and weakness.
Being under scrutiny by Datu feels like being in the belly of the beast. I feel the need to lash out, defend myself, but when he leans in and presses his lips against my forehead, I freeze.
“He is dead.”
I suck in a sharp breath. “How do you know?”
He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear.“You forget, I am still a god, my sweet dreamer.”He strokes my cheek, following the tear tracks.“I know you know the answer to that question.”
“She always made me think I was crazy. That it was all in my head.”
“I want to hurt them, Xiaoyu.”
“We would only be adding to the weight. I don’t want trouble.”
“Misery loves company. She is miserable so she has to make you feel the same way.”
Yes. He’s right, but I don’t like talking about Mother with him. I feel like it takes away the happiness being so stuck here.
“I’m so sorry for ruining the moment.” My gaze drops.
“Look at me, Xiaoyu.”He demands. It’s hard to look him straight in the eyes, but I do.“Never apologize for saying what you feel to me. To anyone. No matter how much you bury the past, it will always come back to haunt you.”
There’s a burst of passion in his words. A connection to what I feel.
A finger touches his nose. “Very wise of you, Mr. Void.”
“I’ve lived too long not to be.”
My heart thrums a frenzied beat. “Will you live long enough to regret the things you have done?”
“I do not have regrets.”There it is again, his Tower of Babel.“A god is beyond regrets, no difficult choices. Only necessary decisions for the collective.”
“Right, like you aren’t selfish.” I sniffle.
“I never said I wasn’t.”His lips find my jaw, my neck. It chills me how cold they are.“I will be better, I promise.”
There’s an oddity in the moment. Almost cinematic as he teased his tongue. Does Datu even know how to kiss? His mouth, teeth scrape harshly against my skin. At closer inspection, Datu’s largest canine is jagged like he’d broken it. It’s growing before my very eyes, pointing to a sharp tip uniform to the other one.
“It grows back right away.”He says against my skin.“You are entirely too inquisitive of my body. I feel like a subject, not a lover.”
I squeeze his arm, laughing. There must be some sort of mix-up in what he thinks we are, but I say nothing. “I’m sorry. I won’t pretend like your biology doesn’t fascinate me.”
He snatches my toga and forces me into them.
I’m not sure what’s happening, but he’s suddenly alert. His eyes sweep over the dark forest around us. The insects have quieted, very indicative of danger who’s not Datu.
There’s a snap, then rustling grass. Deep voices. Men. From the sounds of it, it’s Moriarty’s crew.
