“I feel your absence constantly.”
“What does it feel like?”
He takes my hand and sets it upon his chest where his heart should be.“I feel it here. It hurts.”Then, to his stomach.“Here, too.”Our hands drift lower until I am cupping him.
A harsh breath leaves my lips.
“Sometimes, here, too.”He watches me with an odd curiosity.
“You lie.” I poke his chest with my other hand. The one holding him is…exploring. His cock moves fluidly. It doesn’t feel real at the way more of them slither up my arm.
“I may feel you here more than I care to admit.”
“How long have you been stalking me?”
His head tips to the side.“You were betrothed to someone else when I found you again.”
“Again?” He’s under my skin, all over me. What had been his cock is now the blood running in my veins. It glistens when I move the slightest.
He presses his face against mine once more before blinking. His eyes change colors, a memory of my friend in the dark resurfacing. My heart squeezes until I can barely breathe.
“I left hoping you would heal, but my gut tells me otherwise. You needed me.”
“Why do you keep coming back?”
“Because I hunger for you. You, the affliction I would force upon myself.”
“Don’t say it like I’m a disease.”There's something in me that feels hurt even though I know that's not what he meant.
Every inch of my skin is covered by him. I’m being swallowed whole, my vision a twisting haze of snakes.
“You are hard to swallow, heavy to hold, but you are all I want.”
Datu
The most merciful thing I had done for myself was cleanse Xiaoyu of her memories of me. When she had been a child, I’d done it to cleanse my own conscience—something I never thought I had. It had been done not because I felt awful what a child had witnessed. I had been driven to keep the rankling hunger and rage at bay—to retain some semblance of “balance.”
After the storm that had made the Terra rabid, I had vowed never to visit the dreams again—especially troubled children’s. I had known it within me—a weakness—I would succumb to a certain kind of madness if I met more monsters like Xiaoyu’s.
The more trips I had taken, however, the clearer it became to me—I am only digging myself an even bigger, more hollow hole. Nothing satiates anymore. When the little pitter-patters in my belly began many seasons ago, I had to follow it. They had been like little footsteps leading me astray. I had been desperate for change—still am.
I hadn’t known it washer at first. I had only found out who she was when she spoke in a dream. She was afraid of the dark, of being hungry. Flicked on a night light—one so familiar to me. An adult holding on to childhood memories like it was her only friend.
A longing, yearning forsomethingI had felt deep in my gut.
They say longing is a thing of the past, but wanting Xiaoyu is a slow, ever-present death. A grief that refuses to leave. I realize now that is the very reason why I return to her after every time I vow not to.
I am addicted to the longing she makes me feel. Thatsomething.
I am a hypocrite—never a liar—which feels so much worse. For that, I will suffer. Endlessly, until I find a way to cease to exist.
I hide in the shadows as I watch the other human woman from here. I had let the guardians care for her after the catastrophe that took place yesterday. I know deep in my gut I had burned Lakan’s twitching remains. It is why I am taken entirely aback when I see him again.
The difference now is he does not seem as unhinged as last night. Today, I only feel the gnawing in his belly, so akin to mine.
“I never thought to see you again.”
He is munching on a root crop, his eyes too focused on Sunshine.
