“So when’s the big event?” Mimi said from behind him – and Jack turned, pushed up the brim of his hat, and smiled at her. She looked so happy, so proud, and so excited that he couldn’t hold back from teasing her.
“Hey Mimi,” he began and gave her a quick kiss on her weathered cheek. “What big event are you talking about?” he replied, acting innocent.
“Boy,” Mimi began, and Jack laughed childishly. He was thirty-two years old and far from being a ‘boy’ anymore. “Don’t give me that lip. We both know you’re smitten with Heidi – and you have been for a while now. You’ve never brought some woman home, much less invited her to stay with me… and you know I like her, too.”
“She’s pretty amazing,” he agreed, resting his hand on top of the shovel, unable to wipe the smile from his face. “I’m glad you like her.”
“That woman is exactly what you need,” Mimi chided, “And I might be old, but I’m sure not stupid or naïve.”
“I would never imply any of that.”
“Then don’t give me any lip – or I can remind you what had to transpire once again in order for you to be standing here, boy.”
Jack flinched. Yeah – he fell for that mistake once, long ago – and was scarred at the select statements that were intended to be innocent, but would forever make him green about the gills. ‘Sex’ and ‘his parents’ or ‘grandparents’ should never be uttered in the same sentences.
‘Your grandpa liked to play the music box…’
‘Your mother claimed your daddy used to giggle…’
‘Must be genetic - your grandpa used to laugh too…’
‘Your mama was born nine months to the day after our wedding…’
‘The cabbage patch is a myth, boy. It’s more like a special fieldthat’s ripe for the picking but needs all sorts of love, care, attention, and cultivating by the right farmer… and boy-howdy, did your grandpa like to sow his wild oats!’
“Please…” he stammered, swallowing back bile as he closed his eyes, “please don’t, Mimi. I’m good. No more farming euphemisms about grandpa.”
“Are you planning on making an honest woman of my Heidi?” Mimi asked pointedly, shoving a finger into his arm. “You better not have planted your oats in her field yet…”
“The tiller is ready,” Jack started, intending to tease his grandmother, but it had the exact opposite effect. Mimi started sputtering, he was pretty sure there were flames in her eyes, as she pushed at him, swatting his arm several times for good measure, before she yanked off her hairpiece she liked to wear to make her hair fluffy and thick, reveal her thin white hair underneath… and he knew he was about to get his butt whipped by a ninety year old woman as she swatted it at him angrily.
“Not the hair, Mimi! Not the hair! I was joking – I swear it! Nobody’s planting nothing –OWWW!” he wailed as she grabbed a chunk of skin on the back of his arm. “Mimi, Mimi, please… please hang on and let go –wait– not at the same time -let go first,” he begged, his knees buckling as he saw stars behind his eyelids. Goodness, that woman had a death grip on a good pinch of skin just above his elbow, where it was most tender. That spot wedged between her fingers was powerful enough that it could bring down an MMA wrestler. His eyes were tearing up, and all prior teasing was long-gone. “I’m gonna ask Heidi to marry me! I swear it… just please,please,” he groaned at the sudden release of his skin. “You might be old, but daggum woman – that grip is lethal,” he spat hotly. “I nearly cried.”
“It’s not too late,” Mimi shot back proudly, shaking the hairpiece at him. “Don’t you ever push me in public, boy – these toppers aren’t cheap.”
“You look beautiful without it,” he grunted, rubbing his arm. “That could be considered assault… if I weren’t so scared you’d do that again.”
“Darn tootin’,” she huffed, crossing her arms – and the curly white hairtopper dangling from her hand that was now near her elbow.
“I haven't touched Heidi,” Jack began, feeling a blush steal to his cheeks because this was not something he ever imagined discussing with his grandmother. “I wouldn’t. Gossip spreads in a small town, and I don’t want anyone to ever disrespect Heidi like they do Becky Sue.”
“Did you introduce the two of them?”
“Yep – and they took to each other right away.”
“That was a sweet thing you did for her – actually, both of them.”
“Both deserve happiness,” Jack said simply, picking up the shovel he’d dropped when Mimi ‘attacked’ him. “I can’t help one, but I can sure the other – and I would do anything to help Heidi.”
“Time has a way of working things out,” Mimi said sagely, nodding. “Make sure you marry that girl soon and that she knows you love her. People like her need to feel loved. They need to hear it, see it, revel in it… and you both deserve happiness.”
“I haven’t said that I love her.”
“Do you need a matching bruise on the other arm?”
“I love you too, Mimi,” he grinned. “Now, are you gonna let me get back to making my home ready for a bride? I’ve got to go shopping for an engagement ring, and you’re wasting away the day.”
“Tarnation,” Mimi huffed and shook her hairpiece at him again. “I’m gonna go fix my hair once more – and try not to be just like your grandpa. He used to vex me in the sweetest ways.”
