With a shrug, Jason faced forwards again. “Then there’s no point. And besides, when I—” He swallowed and tried again. “If I’m lucky enough to bond with someone, I want it to be because we both chose it. I don’t want to have to persuade someone—you—that I’m worth it.”
Silence.
In barely a whisper, so quiet that Jason thought he wasn’t meant to hear it, came the words. “You are worth it.”
Then why don’t you want me?
Frustration had him picking up the pace until they were marching back to the lodge. Daryl said nothing, easily keeping pace behind him until the familiar outline came into view through the trees.
Avoiding everyone, they went straight up to their room, Daryl closing the door with a soft snick that sounded so loud and final.
It seemed an age since he’d woken to the text from Alpha Cornell. Since he’d crept out of bed, pausing for a moment to look at a much softer version of Daryl as he slept soundly, unaware of what was happening. Then, he’d been happy to make the most of the days they had left. He liked Daryl, could see him liking him more as the time wore on. But it was nothing compared to the way his whole body ached for him now. Ending their relationship before this would have hurt, but Jason would’ve got over it and moved on. But a bond could take months to fade if you were unlucky. Months of feeling hollowed out inside. Of knowing the one person who could make it all go away didn’t want you enough.
Months of seeing Daryl every day and not be able to touch him like he wanted to, needed to.
Fuck.
Adding insult to injury, the room still smelled like sex, both their scents intermingled with it. It was more than Jason could take, and he marched over to the window, yanking it open. Without saying a word, Daryl opened the one on his side of the room too.
Fresh air filtered in and Jason moved closer, breathing it in. Leaning against the window sill, he faced Daryl. “Do you want to head back to London? I should tell you that I’m staying here no matter what you decide.” He’d come here to help the pack, and he wasn’t about to abandon Rachel and Jenn.
Daryl tapped his fingers against the wall, looking outside. “I want to stay, but I think we should ask for separate rooms.”
That stung.
“Okay.” He couldn’t keep the hurt out of his voice.
“Hey.” Daryl was in front of him in the blink of an eye, tipping his chin up with gentle fingers.
“Our room smells of me, you, and sex. A lot of sex.” He sighed heavily. “It’s hard to think in here as it is, let alone if one of us was half-naked, or in the shower . . .”
Jason huffed out a laugh as he thought about it, and immediately his cock started to thicken.
“Maybe you have a point.”
“If we stay in this room together, it’ll drive us both crazy.” He ran a thumb over the pulse point at the base of Jason’s throat, and Jason shivered. “I won’t bite you,” he whispered, dipping his head to the juncture of Jason’s neck and shoulder, and Jason fought against a whimper. “But I want to fuck you so bad.” A deep breath in and a sigh. “But is that really me? Or the partial bond kicking in?”
“Both?” Jason offered, voice a little strangled. He was hard, straining against the zip of the jeans he’d pulled on that morning. With Daryl right there, it was torture not to grind against him. “We weren’t exactly platonic roommates before this started.” He should’ve known getting involved with Daryl wouldn’t end well. He wasn’t easy-going enough for a true friends-with-benefits arrangement, too intense by far.
And I’m not cut out for it either.
The lure of having Daryl right there had been too much to resist. And now look at the mess they were in.
With Daryl’s hot breath ghosting over the sensitive part of his neck, Jason didn’t want to move.
Ever.
Daryl’s mouth lingered centimetres from where a bond mark would be. But having him so close to where he wanted him, yet knowing it would never happen, was more than he could handle. With gentle yet firm hands, he eased Daryl back away from him. “Separate rooms, then.”
Daryl cocked an eyebrow, as though surprised he’d agreed so readily.
Jason closed his eyes and let his head fall back to the wall behind him. The words hurt to even think, but he forced them out anyway. “If we’re going to let this fade to nothing, then I guess we should spend as little time together as possible.” Without thinking, he rubbed a hand over his chest. It was gonna hurt.
Warm fingers closed over his for just a second, and then they were gone. When Jason opened his eyes, Daryl had moved to the other side of the room and was bent over his suitcase. “Packing already?” Wow. The hits just kept coming.
Daryl stopped what he was doing but didn’t turn around. “I know you think this is easy for me, that because I don’t want to complete the bond, that it doesn’t hurt as much, but you’re wrong. I feel everything just as much as you do.” He put his fist over his heart and pressed. “Believe me, I know how you’re feeling.” Pushing himself to his feet, he turned, T-shirt in hand. “I’ve been through all the arguments in my head a thousand times. I know if I bonded with someone, with you, then I wouldn’t have to worry about the same thing that happened to my parents happening to me. Iknowthat.” The material creased in his tight fist. “But knowing it and getting past the fact it was a fucking bond that broke them, that ruined all our lives, are two separate things.” He finally looked up and met Jason’s gaze. “I feel like . . . like . . .” He sucked in a ragged breath, and Jason clung to the wall, not daring to move and break the spell. “If I bond, if I let myself have that, have you, then I’m taking the easy way out, that I’m cheating. It feels like betrayal.”
Jason opened his mouth, knowing he should say something, but what the fuck did he say to that?
