“Thank you.” He led Jason outside and closed the door behind them.
Once they were a fair distance from the doors, Jason stopped, brow furrowed. “What’s wrong?”
Everything.
“Apart from the obvious,” Jason added, rolling his eyes.
“Do you want me to go back to London and leave you here in peace?” Daryl asked, ignoring the sense of wrongness that came with the words. “I should’ve offered before.”
Jason ran a hand through his hair and let out a bitter laugh. “I’m not sure if it would hurt more or less to have you three hours away instead of here with me. It definitely wouldn’t be a case of out of sight, out of mind.” He glanced up at the sky, then back at the lodge. Anywhere but at Daryl.
Not that Daryl blamed him.
In Jason’s shoes, he wouldn’t want to look at him either.
After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Jason’s heavy sigh filled the space between them. “No. I don’t want you to go back. We’re going to have to get used to being around each other while feeling like this.” He clutched his chest, as though being around Daryl physically hurt him.
Daryl winced but didn’t argue. “So . . . separate rooms?”
“Yeah, I guess.” He met Daryl’s gaze, and the look of hurt in his eyes pierced Daryl to his core.
But it’s the only way I can do this.
He looked away, feeling like a coward. “I’ll inform Alpha Cornell if you want to go get your stuff together?”
“Fine.” Jason’s bitter laugh hit like another barb to his heart. “Might as well get it over with.”
Daryl felt his resolve crumble at the edges.
No.
Curling his hands into fists, he reminded himself why a bond wasn’t for him, how it had ripped his family apart. Remembered again how bad it was, how deeply they hurt each other without meaning to.
He shook his head to clear it. “I’m sorry.” It was all he could offer, no matter how inadequate it felt and sounded.
Jason sighed, “I know.” He put his hand on Daryl’s shoulder as he walked past, squeezing for a moment before letting go.
Daryl felt the heat from his touch long after he’d disappeared up the stairs to their room.
Soon to be just his room.
“All sorted?” Alpha Cornell’s soft voice startled him and he spun around, frustrated that he hadn’t heard her approach. She raised an eyebrow at him, obviously reading him like a book. “Oh, cut yourself some slack, Daryl. You’re struggling with the complications of a surprise potential bond. I think it’s reasonable to be a little distracted.”
He grunted in response, then, not wanting to be rude to a member of the council, added. “I don’t like it.”
She laughed softly. “Of course you don’t. But even the best of us are allowed an off day.” She walked over to stand in front of him, eyes full of concern and mouth set in a grim line. “I know you
hate feeling so out of control right now. It goes against everything we rely on as shifters.” Her voice softened. “And I know it’s worse for you.”
“Do you?” His eyebrows scrunched together as he frowned.
“The pack wars might’ve been ten years ago, but I don’t think any of us involved will forget.
And I don’t just mean those that died. Things happened during that time, things that under normal circumstances would never have occurred.”
He looked down at the floor, hand rubbing the back of his neck. “You knew my parents?” What else could she be referring to?
“I knew of them. Word got around.” She waved a hand about. “You know how it is when you’re living in each other’s pockets.” Her soft fingers touched his chin, lifting his head up. “I understandwhyyou feel the way you do about bonds, Daryl, but I won’t insult you by saying I knowhowyou feel, because I don’t. I couldn’t possibly begin to.” She offered him a sad smile. “Whatever you decide to do, make sure it’s for the right reasons. Denying a bond is painful. Once it’s gone, there’s no getting it back. You will get through it, but you’ll always know that you could’ve had that special connection that a lot of shifters crave. And while completing a bond can be a wonderful thing, it doesn’t erase your memory. Whatever doubts or misgivings you have now, they won’t magically go away. Despite what some shifters seem to think, you’ll still know you had them going into it. You and Jason would experience a love and completeness in both human and wolf form, but if you don’t resolve all the issues you have now, then they’ll still be there, festering at the back of your mind. And a part of you might always wonder if what you have is real or just wolf magic.”
