“Thanks.” Ian stretched, his back making a satisfying crack. “Have I missed much?”
“Not really.” Jesse focused on his fingers for a moment. “Did you mean what you said? About telling the VLCD that you asked to be changed?”
“Yes.” Ian had been more than a little fuzzy when he’d said that, but that didn’t alter the fact that he’d meant it. “I don’t really give a fuck what happens to Peter because he’s a murdering bastard, but you...” He didn’t know how to articulate his feelings because they were a jumbled mess that made his head hurt when he tried to sort through them. “Fuck, I don’t know.” He gripped his hair, holding tight in an effort to ground himself. “I know it was you who changed me, but if you hadn’t, I’d be dead, lying in a hospital morgue right about now, and although this isn’t something I chose, it’s a hell of a lot better than being a corpse.”
A hint of a smile teased Jesse’s mouth. “You called me a walking corpse not so long ago. Or words to that effect.”
“I know. Sorry.” How had so much changed in so little time? “I’m not saying I’ve accepted this. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be all over the place for a while, but for now, I know you didn’t go into that alley to end my life.”
“I didn’t, I swear.”
“And I’m not sure if this is weird or wrong, but I liked you before all this, Jesse. I was gutted when you ended things.” As Ian said the words, memories flooded his mind, a little hazy, but there was no mistaking Jesse naked, crawling on top of him and making Ian beg for more. “But your reasons for doing it don’t exist anymore, do they?”
“No, but—”
“So there’s no reason we can’t pick up where we left off. Especially now that we have time to kill.” He leant over and reached for Jesse’s hand, sliding their palms together. As soon as their skin touched, something settled in Ian and he felt calmer, at ease in a way he hadn’t been since he’d woken up a vampire. “We fit.”
“We do,” Jesse conceded. “Because I was the one who changed you.”
That sounded like a good thing, but Jesse’s expression didn’t match his words. Ian sensed a huge cock-blockingbutcoming his way. “But?” he prompted, not wanting to wait for it.
“It’s not real. You’d have felt like this towards whoever had turned you.”
Ian didn’t believe it. There’d been something building between them before all this had happened. Before Jesse had stopped it all with his good intentions. “I think you’re talking bollocks.”
That startled a laugh out of Jesse, but he quickly went back to being serious. “When Peter changed me, I felt much the same.”
Ian scoffed. “I doubt it.” Jesse had said they’d been involved, but Peter was a tosser, and with the way Jesse acted towards him, Ian couldn’t imagine them ever being close.
“As much as I hate to admit it, Peter was there for me when I needed him.” Jesse grimaced as though the memories weren’t pleasant. “I wasn’t in a good place, and he helped me, made me feel... safe, accepted. He taught me how to be a vampire and live in this world.”
Ian sensed there was a lot more to this story, and he doubted Peter was the shiny saviour Jesse was making him out to be. “What happened?” Ian asked, tugging on Jesse’s hand and urging him to sit next to him at the top of the bed.
Jesse acquiesced and rested his back against the headboard. “It’s a long story.”
“You said that.” Ian gestured around the room, smiling wryly. “It’s not like I have anywhere I need to be. And you’re my appointed babysitter, so...”
“Fine.” Jesse still didn’t look too thrilled about the whole thing, but Ian could live with that. He needed the distraction. The last twenty-four hours felt surreal, and Ian wasn’t convinced it had all properly sunk in yet. Scratch that, he knew it hadn’t. Sometimes he felt on the edge of a total melt down, and if left to his own thoughts, it might hit him full force.
So as uncomfortable as Jesse seemed, Ian needed him to talk, to keep his mind occupied.
“Peter found me when I was twenty-five and at my very lowest point. I thought he was going to kill me, and I welcomed it, begged him to do it quick.”
Ian tightened his grip on Jesse’s hand. “Why?”
“Being gay in the 1950’s wasn’t anything like it is today.”
“I’m aware.” He wasn’t stupid, and he knew his history.
Jesse cast him a sheepish glance. “Sorry.” He paused, seeming to collect himself. “I was in love with a wonderful man, had been since school, and we thought we’d be together until we were old and grey. We were careful. Had to be. But the constant secrecy and fear of being found out, of being arrested and sent to jail, took its inevitable toll, and occasionally we fought. He would stomp off, or sometimes I’d be the one to do it.”
Jesse glanced down at their joined hands, his thumb tracing patterns over the back of Ian’s hand.
Ian suppressed a shiver at the careful touch and bit his lip, knowing something bad was coming.
“One such night,” Jesse continued, “he stormed off in a huff over nothing, and he never came back. They found his body early the next morning—beaten to death and robbed.”
“Fuck.” Ian didn’t know what else to say.
