He drank the last of his tea and ran his thumb along the lip of the cup. They sat outside, the weather pleasantly warm but not yet too hot, and Will looked as relaxed as Patrick had ever seen him. He had a soft smile on his face and eyes bright as he told Patrick a story about some weird guy at his gym.
Patrick listened, all the while thinking how easy it was between them. They got on well, the sex was great, and despite this starting out as casual, it felt much more than that to Patrick now. He wasn’t stupid; neither of them had stuck to the rules they’d laid out, so he was almost positive Will felt the same.
He watched Will laugh, gesturing wildly as he spoke, and Patrick knew he couldn’t let Will move out of the flat without talking about this. If he waited until Ben got back, he had a feeling it’d be too late.
Patrick waited for Will to finish his story before setting his cup down on the table and leaning forward. “Hey, can I talk to you about something?”
Will tilted his head, looking a little confused, but just shrugged. “Sure. What’s up?”
Patrick took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves and get the words sorted in his head. His hands were already clammy, and he had to resist the urge to wipe them on his jeans. “Okay.” He bit his lip, forcing himself not to look away even with Will staring at him intently. “Just… let me say everything before you interrupt. Yeah?”
“Okaaay,” Will said, looking less confused and more worried.
“I know when we started this”—Patrick waved his hand between the two of them—“you said you weren’t looking for a relationship, because of the student thing and whatever. And I know I said I was totally okay with that, and I was, but—”
Will sighed heavily, dropping his gaze to the table, and Patrick’s heart sank. He’d come too far to backtrack now, though.
“But… things change.”
“Patrick, I—”
“No, just listen.Please.”
Will slumped back in his chair but motioned for Patrick to continue.
“I like you, Will. It’s not just about the sex.” Patrick blushed as he said it and ducked his head. “Which I think is pretty fucking awesome, by the way.” He glanced up to catch the twitch of Will’s lips and felt a tiny spark of hope. “It’s all the other stuff too. I think we have far more in common than you were expecting.” He couldn’t decipher the look on Will’s face right now, and he stumbled a little. “And it’s… it’s not casual for me anymore, and I don’t think it is for you either.”
“Pat.” Will’s voice sounded too soft, placating, and Patrick panicked.
He clenched his fists and leaned farther across the table into Will’s space. “Come on, Will,” he hissed, trying not to raise his voice. The last thing he wanted was an audience. “You can’t tell me you don’t feel anything, because that’s such bullshit. You act like we’re a couple all the fucking time, and I… I like it. I like spending time with you, and I don’t want it to stop.”
Patrick sat back, his leg bouncing under the table and his heart pounding furiously.
“Fuck.” Will didn’t say anything else, just sat there, his head in his hands while all of Patrick’s hopes dwindled to nothing.
He felt sick, his chest hollow and empty, and he needed to leave before he said anything else to embarrass himself further. Patrick’s chair scraped against the ground as he pushed it back, but Will reached out to grab him before he could stand.
“Patrick, wait.” He tugged on Patrick’s wrist, looking up at him with an almost pleading expression, and Patrick cursed softly under his breath.
“What?”
“You’re right.” Will swallowed and licked his lips, and Patrick looked down at the table so he didn’t have to watch. “We have been acting like a couple, and that’s my fault.”
Patrick snapped his head up, glaring at Will. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“I knew what was happening, and I should’ve put a stop to it before it got this far.”
“Fuck you. I’m not a fucking child. We were both involved in this, and what the hell is so wrong with how it’s turned out?” Patrick shook his hand out of Will’s grasp, angry and hurt.
“Because I wasn’t looking for anything serious. You knew that.”
“So?” Patrick wanted to grab Will and shake him. “You might have thought that at the beginning, but—”
“Patrick.” Will sounded defeated and sad, and the look on his face made Patrick snap his mouth shut and brace himself. The next words out Will’s mouth were going to hurt. “I don’t want a relationship withyou.”
Oh.
Patrick drew in a sharp breath and gripped the arms of his chair to stop them from shaking. “I… uh… yeah, okay. Right.” He stood, easily avoiding Will’s hand when he reached for him again.
