Yeah, well… humble pie fucking sucked.
“Listen, Nora?—”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“We have to. I meant it as a joke.”
“One in poor taste.”
“Agreed. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it.”
“But youfeelit, or you wouldn’t have said it.” He opened his mouth, ready to argue, but she didn’t give him the chance. “Don’t lie, Ethan. I’ve been in that headspace before. The one where you swallow the words because you think saying them will only make things worse. I’ve lived there. Too many times I’ve let myself be silenced, told myself it wasn’t worth it, or that I was overreacting.” Her voice cracked, quiet but fierce. “I’m not doing that again. Not with you.”
His shoulders sagged, the fight draining out of him as fast as it had come. Deep down he was happy she was taking a stand even if it was against him.
He hated seeing the fire in her eyes dimmed by somethinghecaused. Even if he felt what he’d said.
“You’re right,” he said quietly. “You shouldn’t have to hold back with me. Ever.”
Her arms were crossed, chin tipped slightly up, like she was bracing for him to argue again.
But he didn’t. He couldn’t.
“It’s difficult. I’m balancing this as much as you.”
“I screwed up,” he admitted. “I was frustrated. Not at you. Just… at this. The hiding. The pretending. You call the shots, I follow them, but sometimes I feel like I’m losing pieces of what we could be because of it.”
Her gaze softened a fraction from what he could see in the car as they sat there. He hadn’t driven away. He just wasn’t ready to move from this spot even if it meant swallowing his pride.
“You think I don’t feel that too?”
“I know you do.” He exhaled slowly, reaching for her hand but stopping just short. “I just want to make sure that in trying to protect us we don’t destroy what we already have.”
For a long moment, neither spoke. The tension didn’t vanish, but it shifted to something less sharp and more fragile.
Then she sighed, her shoulders relaxing the tiniest bit. “You make it really hard to stay mad when you talk like that.”
“Good,” he murmured. “Because I’m a lot better at making things right than making them worse.”
Or so he kept trying to convince himself.
32
FIND HER FOOTING
When the helicopter touched down the next morning at the airport, Nora and Ethan got out and went through customs. It was only ninety minutes to fly here from the island, but by doing so, they needed to pass through the airport customs rather than driving and going through the border.
Still much faster than the five hours to drive, not counting crossing the border.
There was something surreal about stepping off a private helicopter instead of climbing out of a car. Another reminder of the world Ethan belonged to.
A world she was still trying to find her footing in.
She was getting there. Slowly and onhertimeline.
Ethan wanting to push her to get up to his speed wasn’t helping them any.
At least he realized it and apologized.
