“You’re not the girl I remember,” he said after several moments of waiting for her to blink, to look away, to cave like she’d done before, allowing him to maintain the power.
“No, I’m not. Not in a lot of ways. Looks, personality, even getting walked all over. But some of those things have been there and you never saw them. I don’t know if you even allowed yourself to because what you knew or thought you knew of me wasn’t correct. I wasn’t good enough in your eyes, so not enough for you to try for more.”
“You’re right,” her father said.
She shook her head over his admittance. No way he just said that. Not this fast. “What?”
“I said you’re right. The problems I had with your mother, I took them out on you. You were too much like her in ways that I didn’t like. I couldn’t see beyond it. And when she left and took you, I just assumed it was for the best.”
“She didn’t take me,” she argued. “But you didn’t want me. We barely spoke or saw each other, and when we did, it wasn’t pleasant. Not for either of us. You gave me hard love and maybe that works for some, but it didn’t for me. It harmed more than strengthened me.”
“Your mother used to say that too. That she and you weren’t my employees.”
“That’s right. We aren’t. Dad, I came here wanting to start over. I wanted us to get closer for a lot of reasons.”
“What reasons are those?” he asked. He was still watching her carefully as ifhewere the one afraid of the answers. She wasn’t sure she’d ever seen him afraid of anything.
“Selfishly I wanted to prove to you I’d changed. That I could be those things you wanted me to be but I did it on my own. Not because you wanted me to do it. But because it was time for me to take a stand in my life. To take control of my health, mentallyand physically. To do things for me. To make me happy and not anyone else.”
“I’m glad you did. For you, not me.”
She wanted to believe him so desperately. “I’m glad too. And I want to give you the benefit of the doubt. I really do. But what you said yesterday to me was a whole new level of low. It was beyond hurtful. It’s going to take time for me to get past it.”
“I know. I can say I’m sorry, that I overreacted because I did. I was coming down to see you and say that I’d heard rumors about someone seeing you two out together after hours. I wanted you to deny it and you were in his arms and I reacted.”
“Dad, people have been mumbling about that for months and you never said it before. If anyone had come to me, I would have addressed it.”
“I didn’t know if you would or not. And maybe I worried it was true.”
“And how it’d look. I know. That’s what worked you up more than listening. You’re still worried about it.”
“Not as much as I was. Not since I’ve seen how Ethan and you are together.”
That was something at least.
“Can you please be honest with me? Why did you ask me to come here? If it hurts, then it does, but honesty is better than continuing to be lied to.”
“The truth is, when I was told I had cancer, I saw all the mistakes I had made in my life. Most of them had to do with you. Then your mother was moving and I knew you were alone. I thought it was my chance to get some time with you away from her. That the two of us could see where it went.”
So, itwashis cancer that caused him to reach out.
She could be angry. She could be upset. She could be hurt.
Or she could say that he was a big enough person to acknowledge his mistakes and take that step.
She was choosing for the last.
“And when I got here, I noticed you were trying some. Not wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but there were moments where you were softer. More caring even.” He’d chase it with criticism, but her father would never change completely.
“I was trying. We never talked much in the past. I’m not the type of person to have us see each other often even with you close by. I saw you in the office.”
“Rarely,” she argued. “Because you feared people finding out about our relationship. About me being an embarrassment to you. You know, causing a circus show. That hurt. All of it. That you think it about me, let alone voiced it.”
“I’m sorry. It was wrong. I saw you hugging Ethan and I thought, son of a bitch, is that why he’s talking so highly of her and how great of a job she’s doing? That those whispered words I told you about were true. And maybe I worried they’d come back to reflect on me.”
If he hadn’t added that part she’d think he was blowing smoke up her butt. But he had said exactly what she believed.
It came back to him, but he was acknowledging it had something to do with her also.
