Frankie’s expression morphs from confusion into hurt. I wish I could take back what I’ve said and be the first to reach out. But she backs away before I can.
“I didn’t run from acting, Cal.” Her voice is hard and rings with the same hurt that’s on her face. “I ran from bad press, and my father, and Brandon. And I gave up the thing that I loved because I ran. I don’t want to do that again. Serenity feels like home.” With an exhale her body softens. “You feel like home.”
Her eyes search my face for something, but whatever she sees there isn’t enough. She pulls back her shoulders and lifts her chin in a challenge. “But being on set also feels like home. Being in front of a camera, telling a story; that’s part of who I am.”
“You can’t live in both worlds, Frankie. HereandHollywood,” I say weakly.
“Why not?” She angles her head, forcing me to look at her. “We can figure this out. It’s not impossible for me to be here with you and Junie, but to also still have my life as an actor.”
I said something similar to Kayla when I asked—no,convinced—her to marry me. She could still have fun. Be herown person and have her own life, even with a baby and husband.
I was wrong.
I shake my head. “I can’t live two lives. Having you here for a little while, then gone again. Worrying what’s going to be written about you and us. Explaining to Junie that I don’t know when you’re coming back, orifyou’re coming back.”
“There are ways to manage the press. And there’s noif.I’ll always come back,” Frankie snaps.
“I don’t want to count days until you do, knowing you’re staying will always be temporary. What happens when you have to shoot in—I don’t know—Thailand or Africa, and you’re there for months at a time? That’s not fair to Junie.”
“Or maybe I don’t take those parts,” she counters. “Can we cross that bridge when, or if, we come to it?”
I want to say yes. If this were just about me, I would. But Junie’s the most important person here. I have to think of her. I have to put her first.
“I can’t do it, Frankie,” I force myself to look at her. I have to be honest with her and myself. “I don’t think I have it in me to put my heart on the line, and I can’t play with Junie’s. She needs a mom, and I can’t be with someone who I’m worried will always want to be somewhere else besides with me. You hang out with famous people and wear fancy clothes. I’ve spent the day with cows and can’t even stand to smell myself.”
“You keep saying that, but I don’t smell anything but hard work. All I see is a man who spent the day at a job he loves after having a tea party with the daughter he loves.” She waves a hand in the direction of the kitchen where we had our high tea. “And, until today, I thought that man would understand I need to do the thing I love, too. I didn’t think he’d say, ‘this is too hard.’ Not on the same day he’d told me, ‘relationships are complicated.’”
I scrape my hand through my hair. “I guess I need something less complicated. Not because I don’t want you, but because I have Junie to think about.”
Frankie lets out a long, disappointed breath. “Who’s running now, Cal?”
I don’t have an answer before she turns and walks away, hollowing out every part of me. The only thing left is wanting.
Wanting to take back what I’ve said. Wanting to trust her when she says she’ll come back. Wanting her to stay.
I take a breath, and I’m hit with the stink of sweat, manure, and fear.
Chapter 29
Cal
Idon’t go after Frankie. I should, but I don’t.
I take a long shower instead. When I step out of the piercing hot water, I don’t smell like cow anymore, but the stink of fear lingers. I wipe steam from the mirror and lean on the counter to look Callahan Holloway directly in the eye.
“You did the right thing,” I tell him, confidently.
Doesn’t work.
No matter how many times I repeat the words, I can’t chase the fear away. So, I turn to reasoning instead, explaining how this won’t be Frankie’s only job, and I couldn’t just pick up and go to LA whenever she’s working. I couldn’t uproot Junie like that or make our whole life public, surrounded by cameras and prying eyes. I couldn’t expose Junie to strangers who’d know about her life from magazines or worse, click bait.
But if I didn’t follow Frankie to Hollywood, how could I be sure she’d come back tome,a small-town vet who still lives with his parents and couldn’t keep his first wife from leaving? Kayla was ready to run off with a guy who couldn't keep a job. Frankie’s going to be surrounded by movie stars and millionaires.She’s already a millionaire herself. Possibly a billionaire, now that Malcolm’s dead.
Why would she want to leave behind a life of fame and luxury to live a quiet life in Serenity Cove with Junie and me? A life of animal emergencies, diner meals, and tea parties with plastic cups and stuffed animals? Granted, I love this life and wouldn’t trade it for Hollywood or anything else, but I’m not famous. Frankie is.
How can I compete with that?
The answer is, I can’t.
