I can’t bring myself to look at her. Not now.Not when I might not be worthy of her.
I’m watching the fire, but every word feels like a weight in the air between us.
“I cannot escape you, little witch. I don’t want to, as it happens, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy about the idea of you throwing yourself in harm’s way at every goddamn opportunity.”
Her breathing falters, and for a second, I think she’s going to laugh at me. She’s fucking impossible, but I’m too damn stubborn to let her go, even if she’s the one thing that could destroy me.
“You care,” she teases, light with challenge.
“Of course I fucking care.” My eyes flick back to hers, burning with fire. “Darius almost lost his shit because of you, and that could have jeopardized everything, Zara. I was always going to give you what you wanted, always going to keep my fucking promise. But I needed to get Darius to see some fucking sense, and you came so fucking close to blowing it. Too fucking close, kitten.”
She crosses her arms, leaning back in her chair like she’s testing me. Her lips curve into a smug little smile, and it drives me fucking crazy.
“It didn’t look that way to me.”
“That’s because you don’t know Darius,” I mutter, trying to soften. “He’s clever and calculating, and it’s easier if he thinks he’s getting one over you.” I tilt my head, searching her eyes, trying to find some way to get through to her. “Just trust me next time, Zara, and don’t interfere.”
Her eyes narrow and it’s her turn to stare into the fire, searching for answers in the flames when none exist. She’s impossible when she’s like this. When she challenges me, when she refuses to obey me. It’s enough to make me want to break something, and I’m crazy enough to destroy the goddamn world for her.
“Don’t exclude me, Kade,” she snarls.
“Don’t pretend I was,” I retort, biting back a frustrated growl. “I know what I’m doing, and I know how to play this game. I’ve been doing it a fucking long time, and I’ve made very few mistakes. Let me teach you, and then you can have anything you want.”
I exhale, and my muscles tighten again. Zara’s eyes widen as their outlines catch her attention. The tension in my frame won’t ease and my shirt pulls as my chest rises and falls underneath it. I’m holding myself back, keeping the semblance of control I have left, and I’m doing it for the girl who’s pushing against me as if her life depends on it.
“You don’t get it, kitten. I need you to trust me, more than I’ve needed anything. Please, Zara. Trust me, or tell me what it is I have to do to get you to. I don’t know what more I can do, not when I’ve already killed one of my brothers for you and I’ll kill the other one if he so much as looks at you wrong. Gods, I even went back and brought Galen’s heart back in case you wanted it as some sort of fucking trophy.”
I swallow, the words catching in my throat. Her eyes widen, but she doesn’t flinch.
“Where is it?” she asks, her voice soft, almost gentle.
“In the fucking box over there.” I gesture to the ornate box that looks too delicate to hold something as grotesque as my brother’s heart. “Did you want it?”
“Fuck no,” she replies, her face twisting with disgust. “Keep that fucking awful thing away from me.”
I nod again, relief flooding into me because she doesn’t want it.
I want her to forget everything that happened to her. I don’t want anything reminding her of the torture she endured or thenightmare she survived because of me. Because of us. That heart in the box, blackened with the same cruelty that ran through my brother’s veins, is a symbol of everything I’ve been trying to shield her from. It’s everything I can’t shield her from, and I don’t want her to see my weakness.
Zara doesn’t need more reminders of the bloodshed, of the weight of the choices I made. I did it to protect her, to keep her safe, but that doesn’t make it any less monstrous. The memory of what I had to do to get that heart—to end his life—still clings to me like smoke. I don’t regret killing Galen, but I regret what he did to her and that I didn’t see him for the threat he was sooner.
I don’t want to see the haunted look in her eyes as the memories take hold, and I don’t want her to struggle. I want only good things for her. Only nice things. I’ve never wanted this and now it’s here I’m fumbling in the dark, grasping at anything that might make this easier for her.
“I’m not broken,” she says, the emerald in her eyes flashing with a green that dazzles. Her voice cuts through the air like a blade, sharp and unwavering. “And you don’t get to act like I am.”
The words hit me harder than I expect, a blow I’m not prepared to dodge. My mouth opens, but nothing comes out. Zara gets up and walks closer, and the firelight casts shadows over her face, making her look like something wild and untamed.
“You think you’re the only one carrying guilt around?” she continues, her voice low, dangerous. “The only one who’s had to make choices they regret? The only one who’s done things they can’t take back?”
I stare at her, the storm in my chest stilled by the tempest in her eyes.
She moves before I can stop her and she rests her hands on my shoulders as she lowers herself onto my lap. Her knees settle on either side of my thighs, her weight grounding me even as the heat of her presence threatens to unravel me.
“I’m not fragile, Kade,” she says, her tone softening but no less intense. “I meant what I said. I’m as dark as you. Maybe darker. Andif you think for one second that I’m some shattered little doll you need to keep in a glass case, then you don’t know me at all.”
The knot in my throat tightens, and I can’t tell if it’s relief or shame or an entirely different emotion.
“I don’t think you’re a doll,” I manage, my voice hoarse. “But you didn’t deserve—”
