32
The simplest truth
KADE
My respect for Zara is growing with every passing day, and with every time she uses her magic. She didn’t just withstand Malric. She pushed back. In fact, she overpowered him. The storm she unleashed was raw and untamed, and I’ve only seen that kind of magic once.
When she let it loose in the forest.
It threatened to consume everything in its path and, for a moment, I almost lost myself in the display of her power.
I want her more and more, and it’s killing me that she doesn’t want me in the same way. I don’t like the emotion rippling through me. It’s disgusting. It’s like pining. It’s like despair. It’s soft and pathetic and I am better than this.
And then I remember what Malric said, his warning echoing through my mind. She’s leeching my magic, and it won’t be long until I have nothing left.
My tutor’s words weighed heavily on me as I watched hercollapse, her body crumpling to the floor like a broken doll. I was torn between admiration for her strength and the fear he was right. Her magic is more potent than when she released it in the woods, and that’s because it wasn’t just her power at play—it was mine, too.
She’s feeding on it, draining me in ways I can’t understand. And that, in turn, makes me wonder if I’m already too far gone to pull back.
I wasn’t sure if I should keep her close or keep my distance, but in the end, I decided I couldn’t leave her with Malric. I carried her back to my suite, and I’ve stood watch over her for hours, staring at the rise and fall of her chest, the quiet rhythm that signifies she’s still here.
Zara’s still breathing.
She’s still mine.
But something in the pit of my stomach twists as I remember what Malric warned me. If I let this continue, if I let her feed off me, I might not even have enough magic left to save her when she needs me most. I could become as hollow as she fears she’s destined to be. She could render me useless and I cannot allow it.
I should feel anger, betrayal even, but I don’t. I’m too captivated by her resilience, by the sheer force of will she demonstrated. It’s hard not to respect her for withstanding the darkness inside her, but harder still to ignore the gnawing fear that the storm she’s creating might destroy us both.
My hand slides up her back and it’s the first time I’ve touched her since I laid her down in my bed. She moans softly and I wonder if I should have stopped her from trying to break the blood weave. Zara endured an agony few can withstand and she did it because I didn’t stop her.
I could have.
I should have.
But I didn’t want to, and the blood weave did not try to stop it. Maybe it wanted me to know exactly what she’s made of, and now I do, I can't help but wonder if it was wise to find that out.
Where my darkness rules, hers commands and it’s a force that keeps me tethered to something, or someone, beyond myself. I’m more with her than without her, and yet I cannot escape the truth of Malric’s warning. Zara’s a powerful ally, but her magic and its connection to mine is a dangerous game.
One I do not know how to play.
She moans as I stroke her back and its sound is a low, vulnerable thing that stirs the darkness inside me. Her body reacts to my touch and her soft, trembling breaths make my skin warm as my fingers skate over her. It makes me wonder if I’ll never fully understand the blackness in her soul, or if I’ll be consumed by it in the way I’m consumed by her.
I try to push the thought away.
The idea that I might be left with nothing, nothing but the wreckage of myself, haunts me more than I care to admit. I can’t bring myself to regret any of my actions, not now, not after everything that’s passed between us, and yet I can’t be sure of her. I’d rather die than live without her, but I don’t know if I can trust her.
I draw a shaky breath, my fingers lingering against her skin. She stirs, her eyes fluttering open slowly, and I find myself searching for some sign that she feels the weight of it too.
“Kade?” she murmurs, her voice a soft rasp that sends a shiver down my spine.
I nod as her eyelids flutter open. Fuck, she’s beautiful. Stunning. As dazzling as the heavens and all the stars in them. I know now that I cannot be without her and I’ll have her, no matter what the cost or price I have to pay.
“Yeah,” I manage, my throat tight. “It’s me.”
She seems to be piecing things together, but there’s confusion there, too, as well as pain and exhaustion. I feel it all radiating off her, and it kills me to know I’ve been a part of her suffering. I’ve never had a conscience, but I’ve grown one for her, and it’s a revelation that will curse me until my dying day.
“What happened?” she asks, her voice barely a whisper.
