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Net/net: we did not have one stinking lead on who might have spiked a hamburger with military-grade explosives. And that meant we had no idea how to head off future belly bombs.
I handed the car keys to Conklin, who said, “Well, there went two days of my life that I can’t get back.”
“I’m never eating hamburger again,” I said. “I mean it. I’m off ground beef forever.”
I strapped into the passenger seat, and as Conklin drove us back to the Hall, I took out my phone and opened some mail. I got caught up in one e-mail in particular. I started laughing to myself.
“Okay. What’s so funny?” Conklin asked me.
“I want what Yuki’s having.”
“Hot sex with Brady? Really?”
“No. Shut up. Listen to this.
“‘Dear Girlfriends.
“‘I don’t even know where to start talking about the awesomeness of Alaska. But let me try.
“‘Crack a dawn this morning, we went out on a tender with an onboard naturalist, and OMG, we saw a pod of Orca whales. Yes! A family pod of them, breaching or “spyhopping,” where they point their heads straight out of the water as if they’re standing on their toes. Guys, this was amazing.
“‘Then a bald eagle swooped down right in front of us and grabbed a salmon with his talons. It was a big fish, almost the size of the eagle and it was no sure thing he was going to be able to carry it off—but he kept holding that fish and beating his wings and he achieved lift-off!
“‘We climbed a glacier. Me! I did it! This is a stunning experience, my buds. Walking on a world of ice the color of Brady’s eyes. In between the jagged blue and white boulders as far as I could see, a river of ice ran through it.
“‘I knelt down and drank from a glassy well of blue water that had just melted for the first time in millions of years.
“‘It was dazzling. Just incredible.
“‘And get this.
“‘I was climbing down off the glacier and had just about reached the boat. Brady reached out to me and I slipped, guys. My feet went outward and I skidded asswise and dropped my booty right into the water.
“‘Brady saved me, pulled me out of the drink, gave me a hard time, and promised he had a nude cure for hypothermia. Geez, I almost laughed my chilly butt off.
“‘I’m writing to you from our outstanding cabin on the FinStar and now Brady is calling me to go to the spa. Think of me having the best time of my entire life.
“‘What Claire said; best friends, best times, best sex—or something like that!
“‘Sending you all my love.
“‘Yuki C. BRADY’”
I finished reading and turned to Conklin. “Isn’t she hilarious?”
He shouted at a car in front of us that was switching lanes without signaling. “Hey, buddy, make up your mind, will you?”
Then, to me: “So, what now, Sherlock?”
“Really. I wouldn’t mind taking a slow boat to Alaska.”
“Who wouldn’t? So we should talk to that Timko woman. The boss of the product-development office?”
“Tomorrow. First thing. Just drop in on her. You know, Richie, I never got to have a honeymoon,” I said as the sun slipped down behind the city of San Francisco.
Richie was back to verbally negotiating rush-hour traffic.
I thought about
