“Didn’t want me to be… Laney, this is insane. Marriage isn’t a whim. And it’s not something you ‘try.’ It’s a serious decision you make when you are absolutely sure that person is the one you want to be with. It’s a lifelong commitment.”
“You mean like the one you made to Mom before she died? Before you left for Arizona?” The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them.
I was being unfair. It’s not like he left her.
Still, I didn’t take it back.
Again, the line was quiet for a very long time, though I could hear him breathing hard.
I waited for him to argue with me. To scold me. To tell me I was being ridiculous and that he was coming to Seattle on the next plane and that he expected me to be there so he could talk some sense into me. Maybe there would even be a “young lady” stuck in there just to show me he meant business.
The weird part was, twenty-seven or not, I just might have listened and stayed.
Instead, he just gave a long sigh. “I see.”
That was it.
“Dad—”
“I suppose congratulations are in order. If you and your husband ever make it down to Arizona, let me know. I’ll take him out on the golf course.”
I frowned at Mom’s gravestone, blinking away threatening tears. He just didn’t care, did he? Not enough to fight for anything anymore. “I—sure, okay. I’ll see if he plays.”
“Is this permanent, the move to Boston? Or is that part of ‘trying things out’ too?”
I swallowed thickly. “We, um, agreed to six months to start. We’ll go from there.”
“Six months.” There was another long pause. “Well, your mother would want you to be happy.”
I drifted my fingers over the A again as a tear slipped down my cheek. “I know, Dad.”
“And she’d want to know you’re taking care of yourself.”
I nodded, though he couldn’t see me. “I know. I am.”
“Okay, then. I guess that’s all there is to say.”
My voice was starting to shake with the effort of concealing a sob. “Yeah. I, um, have to go.”
“Laney—”
“I’m sorry you weren’t there for the wedding,” I blurted suddenly. “I’m sorry he didn’t ask you for my hand or even get to meet you first. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before now.” My voice cracked so hard it hurt. “But this is happening. I just thought you deserved to know.”
I could practically feel him thinking through the speaker. “Okay,” he said finally. “If this is what you want.”
“It is.”
God, I hoped that was true. It had to be. Otherwise, what was I doing?
We hung up after trading platitudes and promising to talk, even though both of us knew we wouldn’t. Then I sat there, staring at Mom’s grave until the tears stopped flowing.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered again and again, not sure if I was speaking to her or myself or Dad.
In my lap, my phone pinged.
I looked down, expecting a text from Dad. Instead, there was an email from a now-familiar address.
From: [email protected]
