Illness
Travel
Husband being an insufferable jackass (Wife’s determination is final)
Mutual agreement to sleep separately
ARTICLE III: WIFELY DUTIES
3.1 Public Appearances
Wife agrees to attend the following events as Husband’s wife:
All major company functions (quarterly board meetings, annual galas, investor dinners) related to Blackguard Holding
Press releases and media events
Family gatherings, including but not limited to: holidays, birthday celebrations, and any event where Husband needs moral support
3.2 Professional Representation
Wife agrees to:
Present as a supportive and loving spouse in all public settings
Refrain from telling the press exactly what she thinks of Husband’s family (no matter how accurate)
Pose for photographs without visibly cringing
Tolerate Husband’s hand on the small of her back, his arm around her waist, and other appropriate public displays of affection
NOT, under any circumstances, laugh when business associates take Husband too seriously
3.3 Intimate Relations
IMPORTANT NOTE: All intimate relations are entirely voluntary and at Wife’s discretion. This section establishes goals and preferences, not requirements. Consent is mandatory, and must be enthusiastic and ongoing.
That said, Husband would like to establish the following framework:
(a) Orgasm Quota: Husband commits to providing Wife with a minimum of SEVEN (7) ORGASMS PER WEEK, through methods of Wife’s choosing.
(b) Oral Sex Clause: Wife agrees to allow Husband to perform oral sex on her at least ONCE (1X) PER WEEK except during her menstrual cycle. Wife may request this more frequently.
(c) Sexual Limits Survey: Wife agrees to complete the Sexual Preferences and Boundaries Survey attached as APPENDIX A within seven (7) days of signing this agreement.
Privacy Guarantee: Completed survey remains confidential between the Parties.
3.4 Fidelity and Exclusivity
(a) Wife agrees not to engage in sexual relations with any other person during the marriage without Husband’s knowledge and consent.
(b) Husband agrees to the same fidelity requirement.
ARTICLE IV: TERMINATION PROVISIONS
4.1 Six-Month Review
At the end of the initial six (6) month period, Parties will conduct a thorough review of the arrangement and decide whether to:
