This time, he kept track of the last time Kallie had come to Everstill.
By the time he finished counting, the sun had gone over the building to the other side, leaving him in a shadowed room.He strained to keep his concentration without missing a mark.When he finished, he put the piece of wood back.
There were now four pieces of wood he'd used to keep track of time.
Kallie left 1,520 days ago.
The marks no longer measured time.They measured distance.The distance between him and the last time he'd seen her.
He sighed.It felt like it was yesterday that he lost her, not over four years ago.The pain never went away.
He lowered his chin to his chest.She'd be twenty now.No longer a child.It was hard to picture her as a woman.
She probably had a job, lived on her own, or even had a boyfriend.She'd had enough time to settle into life on the other side.She would no longer be in the state's custody.She could finally be happy and pursue the things that make her life feel complete.
The ache in his chest took his breath away.He could still feel her fingers tangled in his shirt.The way she screamed his name.The way her tears rolled unchecked down her face.
His throat tightened.She'd begged him not to send her back.
He touched his wrist.It was a habit now to make sure the bracelet she'd made him was still there.The braided threads were worn soft from years of rubbing against his skin.
It was a reminder that Kallie was real and he'd done the right thing.Making sure she remained safe was probably the only good thing he'd done in his life.
He slid the board back into place and stepped outside.
The sun was high now, washing the street in pale, washed-out light.Moe waved from the restaurant.Finn lifted his hand but walked in the opposite direction.
Before meeting Kallie, he would've joined the others, doing chores, running the town, wasting time.Every mundane activity he could do with no effort or emotion was good enough.
Life wasn't good or bad.
But when Kallie was here, she'd changed him.Every day she was gone, he tried to hold on to every emotion he could remember experiencing with her.But as each day passed, he sensed his mind changing.
He feared that without her, he'd settle for living in Everstill, walking around like the others, half-zombified from their time here.
He walked past the restaurant, the courthouse, and the road that looped back on itself.Every step was in the wrong direction.Every breath heavier than the last.
Approaching the veil, he stopped.There was no breeze.The rift was quiet.
To someone unfamiliar with Everstill, they would never notice the veil.It would look like he could continue walking down the road.
He raised his hand and pressed his palm forward.A solid, invisible barrier kept him from going any further.He could spend all day hurling himself at the barrier, and he had, and it would not let him out of Everstill.
Walking several feet away, he rubbed the bracelet between his thumb and index finger, brushing the frayed knot.
"Fuck," he muttered under his breath.
He'd sent her back, not knowing what she was returning to, and he hoped he hadn't made a mistake.She belonged where she could feel the hurt, experience the happiness, and find her place in the world.
She deserved to laugh, cry, feel the pain, and experience the joy of living.She deserved to love and be loved.
So why did it feel like he'd torn something out of himself in the process?
He stood there until the sun dipped low, until the shadows stretched long across the pavement, until the town settled into its usual, suffocating stillness.
Every day that passed, every mark he carved into the wood, only made the truth sink deeper into his bones.
Kallie was gone.
