I start cleaning up dinner, washing off the dirty dishes and loading them into her little dishwasher.
“What are you doing? I thought you were going to talk to him?”
“I will. Rule number one with Rowan men… When you piss them off, you have to give them time to process and cool down. We can have a bit of a temper.”
She giggles. “You? Have a temper? I’ve never seen it.”
“That’s because you only hurt me one time and I didn’t cool off till I found you.”
She doesn’t respond.
After I clean up, I go knock on Rune’s door.
Nothing sounds from inside, so I open the door slowly.
Rune is sitting on his bed, picking at the laces of his football. And I smile—it’s the same thing I used to do when I had a lot on my mind.
I sit next to him, his Spider-Man comforter sinking in from my weight. “I’m sorry, Rune.”
“You didn’t want me?” He whispers between sniffles.
God. Fuck. Knife meet chest.
“I did want you, buddy. I wanted you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. But I didn’t know about you. I didn’t know till I met you in the hospital.”
“Mom told me my dad didn’t want me. She lied to me.”
I take Rune’s face in my hands. “She didn’t lie. She was lied to. Someone told your mom that I knew about you and I didn’t want you, but it was a lie. Do you hear me, Rune? Your mom was lied to, and she did what she thought was best to protect you.”
“But if that’s true, then why not tell me when I met you?”
I need to do my best to protect Leo in all this, but I won’t lie to Rune. Leo is a fucking amazing mom, nothing like my own. Rune will forgive her.
“Your mom wasn’t sure if I would be here for good. She thought that I might leave again, like she thought I did before. But I never left back then, Rune, and I’m not leaving now. She wanted to make sure of that before we told you.”
He looks down, and I release his face. Then he shocks me by climbing into my lap and laying his head on my shoulder.
“She loves you very much, Rune, and so do I. It’s okay to feel mad. It’s okay to feel sad, even. But we also need to forgive each other.”
I reach up and run one hand through his locks and the other down his back, making small circles. A soothing touch I have seen parents do in the ER but that was never done for me.
“I’m happy you’re my daddy.”
Fuck. Tears well behind my eyes, and I can’t hold them back.
I kiss the top of his head. “Me too, buddy.”
“Do you think Mommy will still go to ice cream with me?”
I chuckle out a “Yes, I think she would love that.”
I walk Rune out to Leo, and she wraps him into a hug, tears streaming down her face. They leave for ice cream, and I begin assembling my obstacle course.
I go to my car and pull out the Nerf guns and ammo then go to the living room and set up the couch cushions as blocks and throw blankets over tables and other furniture to create spaces for Rune to hide. Then I strap my Nerf gun to my chest, set out the other two guns in front of the front door and wait.
When I hear them come up the steps, I prepare to attack. And when the door opens and I see Rune step through, his Nerf gun pointed forward, I release my confetti gun over his head, showering him with red confetti. Then I pull my Nerf gun from my chest and dive behind the couch.
His and Leo’s laughter is my fucking nirvana.
