She pulls me into a quick hug then releases me. She knows that when I’m ready, I’ll come to her.
I work the register, then work the bar, then work the register, then the bar. Bouncing back and forth keeps my mind busy, and right before close, when there is only one person reading a book in the corner, our bell rings overhead.
Brooke, one of our young baristas, walks to the register to take the order while I finish hand drying the clean mugs.
“I’ll take a Leo please, with honey on top.”
My breathing halts in my chest. Like my brain forgot how to send that pesky little impulse to my diaphragm. It won't release. I can’t breathe. Oxygen. I need it. Fuck.
It’s his voice.
I would know it anywhere.
I drop the mug.
My favorite mug with the doggy tails shatters on the ground.
“Oh my god, LJ. Are you okay?” Brooke turns and bends to pick up the pieces.
I’m frozen still. My hands haven't even dropped to my sides. I knew he would come after that note, after he found me. But I wasn’t prepared. I had been hyping myself up, thinking that because I knewit was coming, that I would be stronger. Braver. But I’m not. There is a familiar desire in my legs to—
Run.
Run.
Run.
It’s only been stronger one time.
But it’s pretty fucking strong right now.
“You okay, LJ?” He says my name with a bite of viciousness. But also, pain. There is pain there.
“Sir, I’m so sorry. I’ll get that Leo for you,” Brooke says as she throws the shattered pieces of my puppy tail cup away.
“Shit! I think I just cut my hand. Stupid cup.”
This pulls me out of my daze.
“Here.” I give her a clean towel. “Go wash up. I’ll finish up here.”
“Thanks.” She gives me anI’m so sorrysmile and heads to the back.
I walk to the register. I don’t make eye contact, I can't. “That will be $4.50 please.”
He inserts his card into the reader, and a receipt prints out. I slide him a pen along with his copy to sign. My hands are shaking. Can he see that too, or is it just in my head?
When he slides the receipt back…
A note.
Are you having trouble with your words, Leo?
Do I still make you flustered?
– Ev
I keep my eyes down. In my head, I imagined this going a lot differently. I imagined that I would see him and scream and yell and cuss him out for leaving me, for leaving Rune. But that didn’t happen. I have regressed back to that shy seventeen-year-old who can’t form words around this stupid, stupid boy—no, man.
