My stupid, stupid heart believes him. Why? Because she is a trusting fucking idiot, that’s why.
“Are you free on Saturday? Rune has baseball on Tuesdays and Thursday evenings, and we go to a kids book club at the city library on Monday and Wednesday night. Friday we just like to relax. So Saturday?”
He gives a small smile. “You keep him busy. I like that.”
“He keeps me busy.” A small smirk graces my face, thinking about how many fliers and cards Rune brings to me all with new activities and events he wants to go to. He is a social butterfly, always putting himself out there, never afraid to make new friends. Just like his dad.
“And what about us?”
The warmth in my chest is suddenly gone. Iced over by Everett’s assumption that he and I will be forming anything other than a civil co-parenting relationship.
“What about us? There is no us. We will pretend to be friends for Rune’s sake. He will be the only reason we see each other.”
“Leo…” Every part of him is begging, his eyes, his body, his words.
“No. I will not let you come back into my life and le—” I can’t finish my sentence. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and continue—civilly, I remind myself. For Rune. “There cannot be an us, Everett. We can’t ever work. Despite our history, you and I are nothing alike.”
I throw the words he used in his letter back at him. A broken part of me hopes he remembers them, he recognizes them, he is destroyed by them like I was.
His eyebrows pull in, and he tilts his head, almost as if he is…confused. Why would he be confused? They were his words. Not mine.
But he doesn’t comment on it.
“Fine. Saturday it is. And for us, friends, for now. For Rune.”
Leo and I exchanged numbers and I reluctantly leave Henry Leo's.
Meeting her again. Seeing her again. Her smell, her eyes, her…everything. It was so overwhelming. God, I fucking missed her. One hour in her presence, even a presence that seemed to hate me, for which I have no clue why, was healing on a magnitude I couldn’t even describe.
Even with her anger toward me rolling off her in waves, I still felt lighter. My chest not so heavy, a small light fending off my darkness.
I don’t know what I did, but I will fix it. Am I angry that she kept Rune from me? Yes. But is there any other woman out there for me? Fuck. No. Leo is it. She has always been it for me. We have some fucking shit to work on, that’s for sure, both of us, me for whatever the fuck I did to make her pissed and her for hiding my son from me. But we will get through it. Together. Now that I’ve found her again, nothing will stop me.
As I think more and more about the way she acted towards me, I feel like I am missing something. Leo was never an angry person,but I could feel it. She…hated me. But I know how to get to her. Not with my voice, but with my words, inked onto a page. I’ll let her open up to me like she did the first time, allowing her the space and power to do this according to her rules and timeline. So I pull out my old shoebox from the top shelf of my closet and take my notes out. Then I send a text.
Look at us, evolving.
Still meeting at Henry Leo’s at 9 am right? Does Rune like football?
I see the three little dots appear and then go away. Appear and then go away. And I am hoping that she is not thinking of how to tell me this was a bad idea and she has changed her mind.
Finally, my phone pings. But I don’t need the auditory alert because I haven’t taken my eyes off it since I sent the text five minutes ago.
Pretty Bird:
Yes
All that waiting for one word. I shake my head at her, even though she can’t see it.
We are going to have to work on using your words. From what I remember, with the right motivation, you know how to usethem.
This time, it doesn’t take her as long to reply.
I know how to use them, I just don’t want to…with you.
I chuckle at her response.
Liar.
