And when I close my eyes before bed, your laughter echoes in my head.
In the early morning, in the moment before I am fully awake,
I feel you.
I taste you.
I smell you.
Then I wake completely from my dream, into my nightmare.
I hope that wherever you are, you don’t feel me, don’t taste me, don’t smell me.
Because this is fucking torture.
I love you.
– Ev
January 22, 2022
Six years.
I’m so fucking angry, Leo.
For the last six years, I have racked my brain.
What did I do?
What didn’t I do?
The only answer I can come up with…
Nothing and everything.
I supported you. I was patient with you. I lifted you up.
You heard me. You saw me. You consumed me.
And then you left me.
Fuck, Leo.
Why did you do this to us?
– Ev
I notice that this is the first note where he didn’t end with I love you. Is this when he fell out of love with me? When his anger overwhelmed his love?
January 22, 2023
Seven years.
I told myself I wasn’t going to write to you anymore.
But today I saw a young girl, around 14, who had cigarette burns on her arms.
And I thought of you.
