Actually, something happens every day that makes me think of you.
You haunt me.
Let me go, Leo.
Please.
– Ev
My lungs heave, trying to suck in oxygen through my sobs. I broke him. I have one more letter. One more, but I don’t know if I can bring myself to read it. My heart-wings in my chest that once fluttered so vividly for Ev have been clipped. They feel heavy. With each letter, I feel myself being buried deeper and deeper into his sorrow.
I hold the last letter in my hands, ready to tear it to pieces, but I can’t. I deserve this. I deserve this torture.
January 22, 2024
Eight years, Leo.
I hope you’re happy.
Cause I am numb.
Ski told me I should let you go.
But I told you I never would.
But what do my words and promises matter?
You didn’t believe them.
You didn’t believe in us.
I can’t do this anymore, pretty bird.
—Ev
A knock on my window pulls me from the waves of grief that flooded my lungs.
It’s Cole.
I open the door and practically jump into her arms.
“Jesus, are you okay?”
“No.”
“What do you need from me?” She pulls back and looks me in the eyes. “Talk to me, LJ. What can I do?”
I swallow the lump in my throat, taking a deep breath in to calm myself so I can get words out.
“I need you to take Rune. Take him tonight. I need to be alone. I need to think.”
I’d told her about Everett coming back. To my surprise, she’d been actually for him forming a relationship with Rune. She’d said she knew what it was like growing up without a dad, and even if Ev was late, at least he was here now.
“Okay. I can do that.”
Just like Everett, she doesn’t push me to talk. She just trusts that when I’m ready, I’ll come to her. But I didn’t come to Everett, did I? I ran.
I watch as she goes up to Rune. Something she said must have Everett worried, because his eyes race to meet my own. Then he is stalking toward me. He looks pissed… or scared. Both. I don't know anymore. He has learned to mask his emotions. Where once I could read him so easily, now I am lost.
