The entire interaction is so strange, I have a hard time believing it was real. On my way home, I can’t help but feel uncomfortable about the situation.
Is it worth it?
Should I even attempt to go? Everyone said the chances of making it back alive are slim to none. Do I dare risk my life for this?
Yes.The answer echoes in my mind straight away.
From the moment I was told I could not cultivate, my dream has been to prove to everyone that I can. When my seal was finally destroyed, I found hope again. My dream was achievable. I would, at some point, become a warrior like I’ve always wanted.
But there is only one small hurdle in the way. A hurdle that might get me killed.
But aren’t you living on borrowed time already?
If I live or die in that forest isn’t really the main issue. It’s the fact that if I don’t even try, I’ll die anyway. My seal might be gone, but without clear meridians, I won’t be able to synthesize energy from the environment. In turn, I will likely waste away slowly. Perhaps without the seal I’ve bought myself a little more time. But how much?
Do I want a slow and painful death, or a swift but valiant one?
There’s also the matter of Mother.
If I don’t die from the lack of energy, I will die by her hands.
Since she is the one who placed the seal on me, sheknowsthat any immortal Tartareian cut off from energy will die. She did this on purpose.
A dry laugh bubbles inside of me.
And that’s why she hasn’t bothered to show up until now.
Why get her hands dirty when I would die anyway?
But if I miss the timeline she prepared for me, she might end up deciding to finish the job herself.
All in all, I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.
So I might as well do it. Risk everything for the off-chance I might make it out of that forest alive.Andif I catch those mythical beasts and sell their body-parts, I will also end up a very wealthy individual.
My decision is made, and in my mind, it’s rather immutable.
But as I get home and the delicious scent of meat and fresh bread wafts toward me, I waver.
As she turns around, her smile wide on her face as she regards me, I waver.
As she opens her mouth and calls me by that name that onlyshecan use, I waver.
How can I play with death when I have her waiting for me?
How can I risk everything when she is the culmination of all my dreams?
My thoughts become contradictory; a jumbled mess of what ifs. But the conclusion is always the same.
Iwillstill die. This way, I will not put her in danger. This way, I will not allow her to see me at my weakest as I waste away.
“I’ll be gone for a while,” I blurt out while we’re at the dinner table.
Her eyes widen and she regards me curiously. “Where are you going?”
“A mission,” I lie. “I’m headed to a forest to hunt some mythical beasts.”
“Mythical beasts?” Her eyes sparkle with interest. “I’ve read legends about them. Aren’t they very powerful?”
