The mere fact that she braved hours of grueling travel to come after me makes it clear. Shecaresabout me.
My face becomes so hot and red. I’m thankful for the steam wafting around and concealing my true state.
I gulp down as excitement runs through my veins. Not for the first time, my thoughts become a whirlpool of images; of sweet what-ifs.
Will she tell me how she feels at some point? With this trip ahead of us, potentially lasting for weeks, there will be plenty of opportunity for her to do so. Perhaps she’ll even allow me to kiss her—something I’ve been dreaming about every single night since the day I met her.
But then panic strikes. Saliva floods my mouth as I think of that moment arriving; of her finally being receptive to a kiss and me not having any idea about it. What if she gives me the hints and I don’t understand them? What if she tries to be suggestive with her language and I am as oblivious as she accuses me of being? What if she expectsmeto make the first move but I won’t knowwhenorhow? Oh by the Seven! Just thinking about thehowmakes me break out into a sweat. No matter how much I dreamed about it, dreams and reality are different. What if I fail?What if I do it; I kiss her and she hates it? What if I kiss her and she rebukes me?
“Moe!” I call out suddenly. To avoid any misunderstandings, I need to be firm and direct.
She suddenly stops. Her head is still the only thing visible above the water. Her hair is wet and slick on her back. Drops of water cling to her eyelashes and nose.
I’m momentarily struck by her beauty. But then I clear my throat and finally ask the question—more or less—that I need to know the answer to.
“What is the real reason why you followed me?”
Her brows furrow in confusion. “Huh?”
I feign a cough and clear my throat, then I raise my voice. “Why were you so worried about me?”
I nod to myself in satisfaction. That is a good question. The only way she can answer is by admitting she likes me, maybe that she’s in love with me.
By the Seven! It’s all I can do to calm my heart rhythm down as more images invade my mind. Since we’re in this hot spring, so close to each other, both of us unclothed… So many things could happen and?—
“What do you mean why?” She asks with a frown. “Isn’t it obvious?”
“It’s not. That’s why I’m asking,” I reply, my voice firm—though inside I’m crumbling under this anxiety.
“You’re so strange, Nykander.” She chuckles.
I stare at her and I wait.
“You’re my friend! Of course I care about you.”
I blink. F-f-friend?
“Just your friend?”
“Of course, what else?” Her gaze turns worried as she looks at me.
My mouth hangs open just as disappointment slowly sinks in.
“Well, there is one more thing,” she adds after a moment’s thought.
My brows go up, eyes wide, ears perked. Here it is!
“You’re also my boss.” She smiles.
I close my eyes and let out a deep sigh. Perhaps my question wasn’t as direct as I thought—that is what I’m telling myself instead of admitting that she might just…see me asonlya friend.
“We should go back to the tent,” I end up saying and turning my back to her so she can’t see the disappointment on my face. My lips tremble as they shift from the forced smile from before to a flat, hopeless line.
“I’ll get dressed. Thanks for turning!” Her voice is slightly distant as she wades to the other end of the spring. The water splashes around as she exits and I can hear the rustle of clothes as she dresses. When she’s done, she lets me know and I do the same while she keeps her back to me.
The journey back to the tent is silent, which I’m thankful for or I might have betrayed my feelings and that’s the last thing either of us needs right now.
When we reach the campsite, I offer her some more food before I go to the tent to set up another sleeping bag. “I only have one tent so we’ll have to make do.”
