“I haven’t seen much of it.” I shrug. “People are generally bad on account of being people. The existence of the self creates the basic requirement for being selfish.”
“I can’t argue with you there.” She nods. “You’re young, but you have quite a philosophical outlook on life.”
“I don’t think age matters much when you accumulate experience fast. Some people live a thousand lives in one. Others barely live one.”
“Hmm,” she purrs. “What about the person you trust? If you don’t believe there’s goodness in the world, then that person must not qualify as such either.”
My lips stretch into an instinctive smile as I think of Moe.
“She’s good to me. That’s all that matters. I don’t care if she’s bad to others. Honestly, sheshouldbe bad to them so she doesn’t get walked on. But as long as she’s good to me, she’s the embodiment ofgood.”
“And if she betrayed you? If one day she turned against you, what would you do?” Her voice is breathless, almost as if she’s salivating over that answer.
“Perhaps I deserve it. If one day she decides to betray me, I won’t blame her. I’ll just blame myself for not being better,” I answer honestly.
“Are you sure you’re not idealizing her? You seem to talk about a paragon of virtue not an actual person?”
That makes me smile, because I’ve asked myself that question before. And there is only one answer I came up with. “Sheisa paragon of virtue to me, so I treat her as such.”
I don’t know what reply I expected from the Scarlet Lady, but her soft laugh wasn’t it. She brings her fully gloved hand to her mouth, muffling her laugh.
“Ah, Nykander, you’re quite perfect, aren’t you?” She adds drily. “Such an innocent little soul. You would have made such a perfect main character, you know.”
“Main character? What are you talking about?”
“If only you stayed like this. Forever. But youareright about something. People are selfish. And your greed will just grow. Even now, you feel it, don’t you? That restlessness… Nothing is enough.”
I want to protest against her words, yet how can I when it’s like she’s holding a mirror to my face?
“You’re right. It’s not enough. I want to do more,bemore. I want to be worthy of her.”
She tsks. “Such a nice pretext. Everything is for her, no?”
“Of course. I want to be strong enough to protect her, to earn money and give her the life she deserves.”
“And if it wasn’t for her?”
“I probably would have continued on with my life.” I shrug. “It wasn’tbadbut it was lacking.”
“So what you’re saying is that when she came into your life, it became evenmorelacking?”
“No, no! You’re twisting my words. When she came into my life she showed me justhowlacking my life had been. I isolated myself and in a way I was content to live the rest of my life as a hermit. But she showed me what it was like to yearn for someone’s company, to do things because it pleases the other person not because it pleases you. She showed me that I had become complacent, and I realized I did not like that about myself. I did not like the future I was heading towards.”
“You exchanged it for an even worse future.” She chuckles cynically.
“I don’t understand your cryptic words.”
“You don’t have to. You will understand when the time is right.”
“And when is that?” I ask with a roll of my eyes.
“WhenIwill it.”
Everything she’s said until now has been ambiguous and rather ominous, hinting to a dark future. A part of me wonders if this isn’t some manifestation of my mind; of the stain that is my birth and the prophecy it evoked.
Maybe my connection to Rheus and Rhea goes deeper than I thought. The words from that forbidden book flash in my mind: Urteos’s wretched fate and his subsequent doom. He, too had been born during the eclipse; and he too had fallen to its curse. But it hadn’t affectedonlyhim. It had reverberated through time and space for generations to come.
He’d brought upon chaos and to chaos he’d succumbed.
