“Please go now,” I tell her in a tight voice. “Leave while they are allowing it.”
Her eyes go wide with horror. “No.”
“Moe—”
“No.” She grips my hand harder, panic rising in her voice. “I’m not leaving you here with them.”
I step closer, lowering my voice so only she can hear. “Listen to me carefully. If you stay, I fight them. If I fight them, I die.”
Her face crumples. She knows exactly what I mean—what the outcome would be if we choose violence over submission. As much as it pains me to surrender to the House of Jubal, if it means Moe is safe, I will do it. I willkneelin front of them. As long as it’s for her, I will do it.
“You know what will happen,” I whisper. “You saw how many there are. You saw who leads them.”
Tears gather in her eyes. “Then I’ll stay and fight with you?—”
“You will do no such thing.” My voice is sharper than intended, and I force myself to soften it. “Moe… if you stay, they will use you against me. If you leave, then I can endure whatever comes next knowing you are safe.”
Her lips tremble. “I can’t just abandon you.”
“You are not abandoning me.” I cup her face with both hands, memorizing the feel of her and wishing I could carve her contours in my bones. “You are surviving. For me.”
A tear slips down her cheek. She stifles a sob.
“I will find you again,” I promise, though I have no idea how I intend to keep that promise. “Do you understand? I will survive this. I will come back to you.”
“Nyk…”
“You trust me, don’t you?”
She gives the smallest, most shattered nod.
“Then go.”
For a moment I think she will refuse still. Then, with visible agony, she rises onto her toes and kisses me—hard, desperate, trembling.
When she pulls away, she presses her forehead to mine.
“I will find a way to help you,” she whispers. “I swear it.”
My throat closes as I do my best to maintain my composure and send her off with a proper memory of me—not a desperate, bawling mess.
“I know.”
She squeezes my hand one final time before letting go. And then she walks away.
I do not breathe until she vanishes past the line of soldiers and disappears into the trees.
She is safe. That’s all that matters.
I finally allow myself to breathe, my heart breaking with every second of separation.
“Chain him,” Baine orders.
54
The journey back to Sattoriya is long and grueling, and thoughts of Nyk plague me every step of the way.
How is he? Is he in pain? Is he hungry?
