But seeing his past made me reconsider things and perhaps understand his point of view, too.
For so long he had nothing. Then, he only had Moe. And for thousands of years, he hung onto her, his only refuge, the only person in the universe who accepted and loved him—his only home. It made me ask myself whether I would do the same as him. If it were me, would I dedicate thousands of years to a plan that might not even work? Would I kill so many people just to get my beloved?
The answer is a resounding yes. With one difference. I couldneverpretend to love another just to use them, as Nykander did with me. Not only would I not be able to stomach another male’s hands on me, but I know my beloved would not appreciate my actions either.
So how did Nykander reconcile his actions with what was to comeifhis plan worked? If Moe was resurrected in my body, how would he explain to her that he not only killed another female for her, but that he also seduced her and fucked her too?
There’s only one answer to this: he was so desperate to get her back, he only thought about the outcome, not the process. He must have thought that once she was back, he would have an eternity to beg for forgiveness.
Ah, Nykander… What am I going to do with you?
“What’s next?” A soft voice asks from behind. I turn and see the semi-translucent version of my mother, hovering in the air and glaring daggers at Nykander.
“Seeing the past through Moe’s eyes should be the cherry on top,” I say. “I doubt he knows all the sacrifices she made for him; how she disregarded her own dreams to help him achieve his.”
“No more direct torture?” She smirks. “I still have some ways you can use to make him suffer.”
“Of course there will be more. But when I’m in the mood. Right now, I rather like this wretched expression on his face.”
She shakes her head as she moves closer to the magical mirror that gives us a glimpse into Nykander’s condition. Although she is but a specter, a fragment of conscience Lispera left behind to meet me at the right time, she’s still awfully acerbic. And she hates Nykander with a passion. Well, she also has a soft spot for him that she refuses to acknowledge, but I know it well enough.
“I warned him so many times not to hurt you, and he still did.”
“Well, heisan idiot. You can’t really expect him to remember things,” I mutter. “If it weren’t for me, I doubt he would even remember his own name.”
“He’s gotten better in your absence,” Lispera mentions. “He even put together that sophisticated plan to get Moe back. And I must say, he executed it quite well.”
“Are you praising him? Goodness, is the world about the end?” I laugh.
She shrugs. “Even evil acts are worthy of praise sometimes, not in their intent, but through their careful planning.”
“He had seven thousand years to get it right, mom. You’re giving him too much credit,” I groan.
“That is true.” She nods. “I’m merely trying to see the bright side of it all. Do you think I like the fact that my daughter’s mate is such an idiot?”
“You told him he was anadorableidiot,” I remind her.
“He is very singleminded when it comes to you. You have to at least admit that.”
I press my lips together. “That’s the only reason why he’s not dead right now.”
“Ah, Barbs, we both have such wretched luck with males.” She sighs as she floats next to my side. “It’s hard being the only sensible one in the relationship, is it not?”
“Are you talking about my father?”
She nods dramatically. “He’s just as stubborn if not more so than Nykander. I’m scared of what he will do when he finds out everything.”
“Everything?” I frown. She still hasn’t told me the identity of my father nor that of my twin brother no matter how many times I’ve asked. She always says that I will know at the right time, but she won’t say when that is too.
You will know, is always her answer. Well, I’m curious NOW. I want to know now, not in some theoretical future.
Ugh! Why couldn’t she pass on to me herfullforetelling powers instead of just bits and pieces that only work to confuse me?
“Do not mind me. I was merely reminiscing in my head,” she says with a sigh.
“You’re a specter, mom. You don’t have a head.”
“Must you be so literal, Barbi?” She rolls her eyes at me.
